Why is everyone better than me
Everyone else can do everything so much better than me!
“Everyone else is always better at everything than me.” This is something you very often think when you have low self-esteem.
In this article I would like to encourage you if you are overwhelmed by a field of study. I would like to use an example to show you that nobody is born a professional and that it can also be something nice to develop yourself further.
Compare with others - I think they are part of being human. We are just social beings and so we are just curious what the others are doing.
I spent my youth in the 80s, then we also compared each other. And with the Liesl next door, with a colleague or a person from our favorite magazine that we did once a week.
Today we compare ourselves with the whole world
The opportunities to compare us have grown rapidly with digital networking. For example, we can sit on the bus and quickly check what the blogger from the USA is doing.
That can be totally inspiring.
The frustration of comparisons
Or frustrate and totally block when we have low self-esteem and think about ourselves. "I can never do it as well as the others, I don't even need to start."
Low self-esteem can really narrow our perspective.
We then see the great, mature end results of the others and compare them to our early stages. Of course we can only lose in such a comparison.
If you have low self-worth, you are blind to the fact that behind every mature end result there is always a path of development, a lot of work and practice.
What can help
It can help you if you practice getting a realistic look.
You can do that by looking for people to let you take a look behind their scenes. So that you can recognize: No master and no master has fallen from heaven.
That can take a lot of pressure off you.
My personal video development story
Maybe it will take some of the pressure off if I give you a look behind my scenes.
I would like to confide in you that in the past, as soon as a camera was pointed at me, I reacted in a similar way to a little bunny in front of the burrow: I froze.
In addition, at the beginning I was not yet familiar with the interaction between technology (camera, light) and the design of the video background. I still don't have a good microphone, it's still on my list 😉
In the following video you can see how I speak into the camera today and how different it looked in summer 2015.
It was then that my book adé eating attacks was first published and I tried to make a promotional video.
Buy the book "Adé binge eating" online *
When the video was finished it was clear to me: this is not suitable for advertising purposes. But see for yourself.
As you have hopefully seen, I speak more loosely into the camera today than I did in 2015.
For that I needed to develop my personality and my skills.
The following powerful development engines helped me with this.
Engine No. 1.) Loving look
I used to be very strict with myself. As soon as I could see a defect - and that was very often - I figuratively took out my cane and beat myself up. I hated myself when I didn't do something as well as everyone else did right away.
Today I put the cane down. Instead, I treat myself gently and accompany me lovingly through my life.
Just because I can't do something doesn't mean I'm incompetent.
It just means that I am a completely normal person and still need time for my development.
Engine No. 2.) Self-praise
It was important for me to praise myself for every step in my development, even if I was not yet satisfied with my overall performance.
So in each new exercise video, I first looked for the things that had improved.
That gave me the courage to start my development and the strength to stick with the process.
We cannot expect ourselves to do everything perfectly right from the start.
Engine no. 3.) Give yourself the necessary development time
I like the phrase "the grass doesn't grow faster if you pull on it."
During my language development, I first had to get to know and resolve old fears that were hindering me. And then practice a lot.
None of this happened overnight.
There is a development time of over 3 years between the two videos, about 30 hours for 3 coaches specializing in language and many, many exercise videos.
If I had worked on the subject non-stop, it would probably have been faster. But I didn't want that because I felt that I needed this maturation process.
Engine # 4.) Make conscious choices
There are an infinite number of things that you could learn.
For example, if you type in the word "tutorial" on YouTube, you get a glimpse of the endless possibilities: fencing, applying makeup, programming, doing magic, playing the piano, dancing, taking photos, drawing, cooking, sewing, folding origami, elaborate braided hairstyles, realistic trees tinker (yes there is a tutorial for that too) and and and.
We can never be able to do everything.
We can never be good at anything.
Therefore, if you want to learn or improve in an area, you find it important to make conscious decisions. For example, the following questions could guide you:
- Does it make you wake up when you deal with it?
- Does time fly by?
- Are you looking for new information on your own?
- Do you find it exciting to watch online tutorials in this area, for example?
- Can you see improvements after you've practiced?
Given a choice, it makes sense to invest our time in something that we enjoy and that we have at least a little talent for.
Motor No. 5.) Allow imperfection
How good does something have to be before I am satisfied?
If you have low self-esteem, you pick on yourself far too often and evaluate your own performance: "It's all worthless, it looks much better with X".
As soon as I compare myself to others, I will always find someone who is a lot better than me.
But is it really necessary to be as good as X? Isn't it enough just to enjoy what we do?
Sometimes it is good to realistically assess your talents and opportunities:
- Do I want to practice more?
- Do I want to invest more time?
- Do I have more potential that I can and would like to exploit?
- Is it important to me to get to the top, to become one of the best in this field?
- Or is the current result enough for me?
For example, I know that I'm still not a perfect speaker. But perfection wasn't my goal, after all, I'm not a TV presenter.
My goal was to remain authentic, even with a camera or multiple pairs of eyes pointed at me.
I will continue to develop, but I don't have to do dozens of language exercises to show myself in front of the camera.
Motor no. 6.) Find the right help and accept it
We don't have to do everything alone.
There are many people who already know what we want to learn. We can benefit from this and save ourselves a lot of detours.
In my case, I was accompanied by language coaches. Much is easier together than alone.
I hope that I was able to show you that we all have fields of study and that this is completely normal.
And that development can be something exciting and joyful.
Buy the book "Adé binge eating" online *
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