Would you rather be hated or pityed?

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THEME:"Would you rather die conscious or ...

 14 Reply).

Angelica the discussion started on January 22nd, 2003 (10:06 pm) with the following post:

be surprised by a falling brick?

Writer Max Frisch: A questionnaire on dying and death
1. Are you afraid of death and since what year of life?
2. What are you doing about it?
3. Are you not afraid of death (because you think materialistically, because you don't think materialistically), but fear of dying?
4. Do you want to be immortal?
5. Have you ever thought you were going to die and what came to mind:
a. what you leave behind?
b. the world situation?
c. a landscape?
d. that everything was vain?
e. what will never happen without you?
f. the clutter in the drawers?
6. What are you more afraid of: That you might be scolding someone on your deathbed who doesn't deserve it, or that you forgive everyone who doesn't deserve it?
7. If someone you know has died again: Are you surprised at how natural it is for you that the others will die? And if not, do you then feel that he has something ahead of you, or do you feel superior?
8. Would you like to know what dying is like?
9. If, under certain circumstances, you have wished to die and when it never came: Find that you were wrong; H. As a result, do you see the circumstances differently?
10. Whom do you grant your own death sometimes?
11. If you are not afraid of dying: Because this life is annoying for you or because you are enjoying the moment?
12. What bothers you about funerals?
13. If you have pityed or hated someone and realize that they have passed away: What do you do with your previous hatred of them or with your pity?
14. Do you have friends among the dead?
15. When you see a dead person: Do you have the impression that you knew this person?
16. Have you kissed the dead yet?
17. If you do not think about death in general but about your personal death: Are you always shaken, i.e. do you feel sorry for yourself or do you think of people who you feel sorry for after your death?
18. Would you rather die conscious or be surprised by a falling brick, heartbeat, explosion, etc.?
19. Do you know where you want to be buried?
20. If you catch your breath and the doctor confirms it: Are you sure that you are not having any more dreams at this moment?
21. What agony do you prefer to death?
22. If you believe in a realm of the dead (Hades), does the idea that we will all meet again for eternity calm you or is it a fear of death?
23. Can you imagine an easy death?
24. If you love someone: why don't you want to be the survivor, but leave the suffering to the other?
25. Why do the dying never cry?

Note: Everyone should give the answers only to themselves and not publish them. Just dealing with the 25 questions brings you thoughts and trains of thought in many new perspectives.

I wish you all good thoughts


Hermann Penker replied on 01/23/03 (1:47 PM):

I want to be able to fully consciously experience the transition to the other side of life. Of course, I am a little apprehensive about the fact that a serious illness as a cause of death can also be associated with great pain. As an example I have in mind a simple man who died after a hard working life (bricklayer) from cancer possibly caused by his cigarette smoking. In full awareness of the nearness of death, he first made his calculations with God, then he had his relatives and friends fetched in turn to say goodbye. He also invited people with whom his relationship was not the best, and spoke to them. After saying goodbye to the last one, he asked his wife to make another coffee. After he had had a drink, he took his wife by the hand and passed away very calmly. Such a gentle death, in my opinion, was only possible because he had drawn the sum of his life, because nothing in his life was left unfinished.
MfG Hermann

Barbara answered on 01/23/03 (3:23 pm):

Dear Hermann,

that sounds ideal .....
My father also died consciously without pain ... from stomach cancer. Since he was in no pain until his death, he was able to watch his body decay for six months. He died at the age of 58, showed me the metastases in the bloodstream of his hands ..... His stomach was full of cancer, not a spoon of food could be ingested ...... He had a very strong heart ..... had to wait until he was starved and thirsty ....

I have often asked myself whether pain would not have been more gracious ..... Then at least he would have received means that would have made him unconscious ....

Felix answered on 01/24/03 (00:16):

To die in dignity, as Hermann described it, is also my wish. Or maybe a quick transition ... as I've seen it before ... falling asleep peacefully ... and not waking up again.
I am not afraid of death ... but of an unworthy death!

Marianne answered on 01/27/03 (8:22 pm):

I am currently reading (again) "Malte Laurids Brigge" by Rilke. There is also a lot to read about the dignity and dignity of death. Rilke says that everyone has their own death.
I haven't thought about mine yet.

Johanna answered on 01/27/03 (8:36 pm):

When my husband asked his family doctor in my presence whether he still had a chance (cancer), this doctor did not answer. This was the hardest thing for me to later give an honest answer to my husband's question. But in the end I didn't take away any chance of hope, but gave him the opportunity to take stock - to "come to terms" with himself and his life. My husband passed away very peacefully and calmly in my arms (he was at home) and if I could choose, then I would wish for myself to die just like that - peacefully, with dignity.

Angelica answered on 01/28/03 (10:27):

There is so much talk of "dignity" and sometimes I wonder whose dignity is it? Do we want to die "dignified" so that it is dignified for our bereaved? As a bereaved person, do you want everything to be "dignified" that becomes visible from the death of a person? Nobody could tell us, but I dare to say that the dying feel anything but dignified - and when they lie there, the lower jaw folded down, the muscles relaxed and everything under them again and emptied - the few dead, those who die at home, the few who are washed again before they get into the coffin, the conversations and their contents of the undertaker's helpers, which touch the dead one last time ... dignified? But the funeral is dignified again ...

mechtild replied on 01/29/03 (10:17 PM):

As one has lived one will also die. dign what is that? I think it's different for everyone. If you live consciously, you will prepare to die and your loved ones will know what to do and then you will become dignified. I do not wish for myself, but also for my relatives, to have to suffer long. If life has been good, it is not difficult to walk either. The brick is surely more beautiful for those who die than if it takes so long. The relatives are a bit shocked at the beginning, but then certainly also very happy.

Marianne answered on 02/01/03 (14:23):

In Malte Laurids Brigge, Rilke naturally writes a lot in poetic form in the same direction in which Johanna and Mechthild also argue.
He juxtaposes the death of his two grandfathers and recognizes in the death of his grandfather Brigge, who died a terrible death in which the whole family took part because he could not prepare to die and wanted to be carried from one room to the other for days but never to bed. But this rearing up corresponded to his life. Rilke calls this death "his own death".
Grandfather Brigge's death also took a long time, but everything happened in the dark. Nobody was allowed into the room, everyone was frightened.
Well, I'm deviating.
In any case, I wish for a dignified death, that means for me that I can die as I have lived, in my circle of dear people.

Nuxel answered on 02/01/03 (14:54):

Dear Angelika
You are - unfortunately - so right!

I do NOT want to die "dignified"!
When my "end time" is reached, I would like to be able to and may simply die !!!!!!!!!
We are: finally
So, should we ---- do it ----- with dignity!

Just me

Marianne answered on 02/01/03 (17:19):

@ Nuxel

So you don't want to be "died" with dignity, but also have your own death in the Rilke sense, I see that correctly - and then we both want the same thing. Another question is whether our will will and can also be respected at our end -
Senile dementia, Alzheimer's etc.

Unfortunately or fortunately, we don't know the time and place, we only know that .....

Medea. answered on 02/01/03 (19:16):

I painfully remember the death of an acquaintance who neither wanted nor could die. She had advanced stage colon and stomach cancer, it was hopeless and yet all she wanted was to live.
Nobody was able to offer anything like consolation here, she shouted the pastor who was visiting her out of the door.
This painful death haunted me for a long time.

Simaja answered on 02/28/03 (11:04 am):

I write my answers under the respective question ATTENTION: MAXIMUM TEXT LENGTH OF 500 WORDS EXCEEDED! GO BACK TO SHORT

Medea. answered on 02/28/03 (17:23):

@ Simaja:

I do not understand ....
What do you want to say with the above ???

Nuxel replied on 03/01/03 (3:11 pm):

Hello Medea

You don't understand anything?
me neither;-))
and maxima
and blablabla

Simaja = Katharina ......
well, everything is clear ;-))

but now without joke
because that doesn't fit the topic at all! I also apologize, honestly!
and actually I am not at all happy about it!

What you, dear Medea, share about the experience of your acquaintances' unwillingness to die, and that it will take you a long time
I can empathize with time very well!
I have also often been astonished that patients who have been accompanied for a long time knew exactly what they were doing, on the one hand, but behaved as if being sick and having to go did not concern them themselves. They were somehow standing beside themselves .
A relationship is also built up in care or treatment intervals and you are somehow involved.
Thank heavens that we still had enough time for the patients when I was working!
I don't think I could work in this profession in today's conditions!
is convinced of that