Women love to watch men masturbate

Masturbate: "Do you satisfy yourself better?"


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ZEITmagazin ONLINE: Are there a lot of people who don't masturbate?

Ulrich Clement: No. Almost everyone does it until the desire subsides a little in old age. And men do it more often than women.

ZEITmagazin ONLINE: What do you mean by more? That more men than women masturbate, or that the individual man does it more often than the individual woman?

Clement: Both. Almost all men do it, and on average they do it significantly more often than women. Many women also masturbate, but significantly less than men. In terms of number, the difference between the sexes is therefore rather small, but in terms of frequency it is considerable.

ZEITmagazin ONLINE: Pay please.

Ulrich Clement

Prof. Dr. Ulrich Clement is a systemic couples therapist and sex researcher. His book Think love. The indiscreet questionnaire was published by Rogner & Bernhard in 2015, after which he has Dynamic of desire published by Carl-Auer Verlag. Ulrich Clement runs a private practice for coaching, couple and sex therapy in Heidelberg.

Clement: According to surveys, 94 percent of men and 85 percent of women masturbate. Adult men between 20 and 25 do it about ten times a month, and women of the same age group about once a month. Older people accordingly less. It is interesting that this massive difference in frequency has remained fairly constant over the past few years. Over the same period, women's interest in masturbation has increased - it has always been high among men - but this increased interest is not reflected in any greater frequency. This is astonishing, because if you compare the changes in the sexual behavior of men and women, it usually shows that the sexes are converging. For example, in questions like "When do you have sex for the first time?" or "Does someone cheat and if so, how often?" and the like. But not when you have sex with yourself. It remains masculine territory. In comparison, the proportion of solo sex among women in their overall sexuality is much smaller.



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ZEITmagazin ONLINE: So you can say: More women are doing it now, but they don't do it that often. How much can such statistics be trusted? Couldn't it be easier for women to show off that they are self-gratifying now?

Clement: There is always this objection to sex studies. But even if there can be inaccuracies in this regard, it would not be plausible to assume that those who do not want to talk about their sexual behavior take part in such studies. After all, they are voluntary. On the other hand, one can assume that those who take part are essentially telling the truth. And differences as significant as here between the sexes in terms of the frequency of masturbation could not explain these inaccuracies anyway.

ZEITmagazin ONLINE: So where does the difference come from?

Clement: Men are more likely to sexualise loneliness than women. For example, we know that depressed men can masturbate a lot in order to get relief and to feel positive. There is no such connection among women. If women suffer from depression, masturbation offers little relief. Men are more likely to sexualize when they are not doing well. This is also supported by a study that examined the relationship between the frequency of sexual intercourse and the frequency of masturbation. In men, these frequencies correlate slightly negatively. With women, however, not at all.

ZEITmagazin ONLINE: This means?

Clement: That is, men who have little intercourse masturbate a lot and men who have a lot of intercourse masturbate little. Therefore, male masturbation can with some justification be called "substitute satisfaction". In women, these frequencies are not related. So here one can see masturbation less as a substitute than as a gain - and thus legitimately speak of masturbation.

ZEITmagazin ONLINE: Wouldn't that explain why women are catching up in numbers? It has less to do with the fact that women have less good sex than with the fact that they increasingly learn to appreciate this additional benefit?

Clement: Absolutely. Women experience solo sex as an additional gain, while men still have a pinch of self-contempt and devaluation - which is also expressed in the many colloquial and vulgar expressions that exist for it.

ZEITmagazin ONLINE: Yet they do. So they gain something positive from the matter.

Clement: The advantage is that everyone can do it exactly how they want to. For example, you can save yourself advertising, thanking you, being considerate if you do not want to do all the things that are common in sex with a partner. In short, it can be a pretty practical staging of selfishness.

ZEITmagazin ONLINE: Is this orgasm different - physiologically or psychologically - from the climax of sex with a partner?

Clement: Physiologically not. Psychologically, it depends on the respective partner situation. Masturbation can be more unsatisfactory than having sex together if you actually prefer to have a partner and consider masturbation to be a substitute satisfaction. Then it is only second choice. But of course there are also difficult constellations: inaccessible, rejecting or even just reluctant partners. For such relationships, one possible way out for those who want more can be to satisfy themselves on their own. In the knowledge that it is the second choice, but also in the knowledge that it is better than nothing. Or better than getting a rebuff from your partner.