How can you make yourself fat
THE 10 BEST TIPS TO GET FAT QUICKLY!
NOTE: Please read with a big wink and do not feel personally attacked if you still meet one or the other point. Maybe you can / want to give it up in favor of a behavior that is better for you. Have fun & success!
1. EAT PLENTY PROCESSED, QUICKLY DIGESTIVE CARBOHYDRATES WITH EVERY MEAL - IDEALLY WITH BAD FATS.
Carbohydrates are the universal weapon of all overweight people. They cause insulin to be released, and insulin is your friend if you want to get fat! It paralyzes the burning of fat and channels the energy into the fat deposits if there has been no adequate physical exertion beforehand. The easier and faster the carbohydrates can be digested, the better: A strong insulin reaction in combination with low energy loss through digestive processes for maximum fat accumulation - perfect!
The quick carbohydrates in combination with unhealthy fats can be used even more efficiently for your own purposes. Artificially hardened vegetable fats should be mentioned here in particular. A nice wheat toast with margarine and chocolate cream is about the ultimate. For an emergency in between, a chocolate bar, cake or donuts pressed into a wheat roll is also possible. At night there is always a snack bar for french fries with mayo or a pizza - ideal after drinking (see point 6)!
2. ESPECIALLY EAT WHEAT PRODUCTS
Modern wheat (since around 1960) has been genetically modified through breeding and contains much more gluten (an indigestible gluten white) than the original wheat. This has an inflammatory effect and makes you fat. If you are lucky, the inflammatory processes also cause joint pain, which can massively support the avoidance of movement! Wheat also has an even more drastic effect on blood sugar than regular table sugar. But household sugar is also possible. Always put it in - think about the insulin!
3. EAT CARBOHYDRATES FOR BREAKFAST - WHAT IS BEST WHEAT
If you do not manage to always have carbohydrates on hand (even if that is difficult in Germany), you must ensure that you eat a large portion of them at least in the morning. Toast, bread, rolls, croissants, cereals, muesli - anything goes! Why in the morning? Don't some "nutrition experts" also recommend this for weight loss? Yes, they do! But stick to our tips in this article or ask a type 2 diabetic you trust: In the morning you need more insulin for the same amount of carbohydrates than in the evening. More insulin = longer blockade of fat burning. The directly induced fluctuation in blood sugar also quickly makes you hungry for the next portion of sugar - ideal if you want to get fat. The inevitably accompanying energy gap ("noodle coma") after breakfast ensures that you avoid any of the following activities in the best possible way. Should you still get the idea to train: with this breakfast in your stomach, you will quickly lose your desire after a few minutes!
4. TAKE LONG BREAKS BETWEEN MEALS
It's best to start with a late breakfast (think about the carbohydrates!) And then eat something again in the evening. Preferably pasta. Avoid fillers like vegetables. Should you feel hungry in between, a chocolate bar or something similar will help. Your body should definitely release cortisol (stress hormone) during the day and especially in the evening when you are hungry and slow down its metabolism over time - stressed and hungry, that is the goal. Later in the day this is countered with insulin - the optimal combination for getting fat.
5. DRINK SOFT DRINKS, JUICES, MILK AND OTHER SUGAR-BASED DRINKS
Avoid pure water! It doesn't taste like anything anyway, where's the fun in that? Sugary lemonades are short for the fat body. Glucose-fructose syrup should be included. Any other type of sugar will do the same. Cola is the first choice because the caffeine will disrupt your sleep and the phosphoric acid it contains attacks your bones and increases the risk of bone fractures - desirable if you don't want to move too much anyway. Juices are also ideal due to their generally high sugar content. Pay attention to quality: A concentrate is always preferable to a not-from-concentrate juice! Actually, anything that contains sugar or makes the body believe something sweet is okay, regardless of whether it is an energy drink, sports drink, light soft drink or zero. Even pigs are fed sweeteners to make them hungrier. If necessary, coffee or tea with plenty of sugar can also do it.
Milk is also not to be despised: it is highly insulinogenic because it contains a lot of lactose and proteins that many of us have been poorly tolerating since we grew out of infancy. Skimmed milk is best because the good nutrients in milk are in its fat - but you just want the sugar and calories!
6. DRINK A LOT OF ALCOHOL REGULARLY, BEER BEST
The beer belly and the "beer tits" are not called that for nothing. If this is the look you are aiming for, drink beer! Preferably every day. Wheat beer is particularly recommended! Beer removes zinc from your body, contains hops that increase estrogen, and alcohol also lowers testosterone and makes us sleep worse. The best combination for getting low testosterone and getting fat. Beer also makes you hungry as it affects blood sugar, so it's best to eat chips, pretzels, pizza, french fries or other trans-fat fast food with it.
7. DO NOT DO SPORT - ESPECIALLY NO STRENGTH TRAINING
Sport is murder & exercise is death! Spend as much time as possible sitting or lying down - for example, with a large bag of chips on the sofa or with an ice cream sundae in bed. If you accidentally get lost in a gym, use those who seem to be making the least effort and who look to be your guide when exercising. A recumbent bike should be the training device of your choice - for the entire training session. Do ‘a very relaxed unit in which you won't get out of breath and play with your mobile phone, chat, watch TV or read the newspaper. The best way to do this is to drink a sugary sports drink and eat chocolate bars to counteract a calorie deficit. But now you are in the fat burning pulse? No problem! It is a myth that you really burn noticeable body fat in the fat-burning pulse - but it is exactly the right thing to do to get fat and slow, not build muscle and calm your conscience! Absolutely to avoid: Any kind of strength training, as this stimulates the metabolism and builds up active body tissue. This leads to an undesirably increased basal metabolic rate and also improves insulin sensitivity - an absolute no-go!
8. MOVE AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE, EVEN AWAY FROM YOUR WORK
A sedentary job with a lot of stress, little time to eat (exception: chocolate bars & sweet drinks - keyword “nerve food”) and little exercise is ideal if you want to get fat. In addition, you can move as little as possible in your free time. If you have to walk, go slowly and use escalators and elevators. If you're standing, sit down better, if you're already sitting, lie down right away. If you find it difficult at the beginning, rest assured: that happens once you've become really fat. Practice creates masters. Buy a pedometer and try to take fewer steps each day than the day before. Maybe you can do it like many Americans and one day buy an electric buggy, then you hardly have to get up at all!
9. SLEEP AS SHORT, AS IRREGULAR AND AS BAD AS POSSIBLE
It is best to go to bed well after midnight (use Facebook, Whatsapp or the like to get the time around and stay in contact with other insomniacs). Sleep right next to the switched on WLAN router, always carry the mobile phone on your body during the day and use it as an alarm clock at night (just don't set it to flight mode, who knows who is calling or writing at night!), Sleep in a metal bed with a spring mattress. It is best not to change bed linen. The bedroom should also be as bright as possible and contain many electronic devices in the immediate vicinity of the bed, all of which are switched on at night or at least on standby. A lot of noise doesn't do any harm either, maybe you can move next to a disco, bar, construction site or a shared flat for a party. The duration of sleep should definitely be well below 8 hours - less is more. You sleep really badly if your sleep times vary constantly. Shift work is ideal here, but 3 shifts, please. Set your alarm clock an hour earlier than you have to get up and "snooze" the last 60 minutes every 5 minutes - to be able to fall asleep again is so nice!
10. EXPOSE YOURSELF TO THE MANY ENVIRONMENTAL POISONS
Hang out at the gas station, collect receipts, have amalgam fillings implanted, eat a lot of canned food (if there are no carbohydrates or as a side dish) and warm your meals in plastic containers in the microwave. In general, only use plastic bottles with plasticizers, use a lot of cosmetics and personal care products that contain parabens ... the list is endless. Over 100 years of industrialization have left their mark on the planet. Make sure, however, that you are not using a multivitamin or similar dietary supplement that could mitigate the negative effects. Because environmental toxins also make you fat.
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