Why do I hate the doorbell

Afraid of ringing - why actually?

  • It just happened again - one could consider this fear of mine to be silly.

    When the doorbell rings, I'm scared. Racing heart, sweaty hands, trembling knees. I then turn off the music immediately and can barely move for the next half hour. We have agreed to ring the bell with our friends so that they can drop in unannounced and not stand in front of a locked door. When I ring the bell once, however, I start trembling and my head is racing.

    I can hardly describe what exactly worries me. Presumably the tense relationship with my parents has something to do with it, although I know for sure that they are never (!) At the door unannounced.

    I can hardly stand it when there are many people in my apartment. Sometimes the doorbell rings every 10 minutes and up to four friends drop by one after the other. Then I quickly feel constricted and overwhelmed and always withdraw into the bedroom. I am a solitary person, I am afraid of strangers. But since I can determine exactly whom I let them into my apartment and whoever stays outside, this fear is so unfounded. But if I don't open the door (once again), the inner terror really starts. I always imagine that the person walks into the stairwell and listens in front of the front door. That's why I don't dare to go into the hall for a while. I also hate the morning postman ringing the bell. It is incomprehensible to me why he always has to ring on the top floor instead of being able to inform the confused apartment owner about his arrival on the ground floor. Only after two or three rings does he try to move to floors 1-3.

    I am also afraid of the authorities or the police, precisely those to whom I should open the door (I know that I don't have to here either). However, I have absolutely nothing to fear from them.

    I also always accuse myself of neglect (although it's tidy) if I haven't finished cleaning before the doorbell rings. Any scrap of dust an eye could catch would be evidence of my failure. I am particularly afraid of "adults" (I am 20: - /), although there are some candidates my age who I could not bear to visit.

    The other day we met an old "friend" at a birthday party, for example, in whose presence I harbor murder fantasies (said guy fucked us up). On his last visit to our apartment about a year and a half ago I chased him away hysterically and made it clear to him that he would never be seen again. At the end of that party, however, the brazen guy actually said goodbye with the words "I'll come over on Monday and ring the bell twice!" At that moment I was on the one hand too perplexed to counter, on the other hand I didn’t want to make a scene on our friend’s birthday, because I’m too easy to get annoyed with this creep. Since then I have ignored every double ring, which is a sign of two of my friends, and have therefore locked them out a few times.

    I don't know why I turn to you with this problem - I probably just had to write this quirk from my soul for an acute occasion. Incidentally, the "visitor" rang twice before, and the front door opened after the first ring. Since then I have stayed in the living room and don't dare to go to the toilet or the kitchen. On the one hand I wish I could do something about this rigidity, on the other hand it would inevitably result in more guests, which I absolutely want to avoid. Anyway, I don't understand why a large part of our circle of friends has probably never heard the word privacy. I myself am always cautious and also quickly feel undesirable. The fact that people don't understand that you want to do something together (as a couple) in your free time from a few hours in the afternoon or that I just want to read is the biggest joke anyway. It should be clear to everyone, because I always throw the guests out at some point if they are still lethargic in my kitchen after a few hours and I also react increasingly angry and monosyllabic when visitors are at the door.

    Nonetheless, these are my friends and they are of course welcome here - I've probably only had a problem since time immemorial, isolating myself and saying no. But this ring phobia really worries me ... is it normal for the doorbell to ring several times a day? Aaargh, I'm scared.

    So much for now (I'm chasing myself away again with every rumble in the far too noisy stairwell).

    Remains shaky

    Mon

  • 8 answers
  • Oh man, that sounds really bad! If I were you, I would entrust someone professional to you, otherwise you will eventually get a heart attack when the doorbell rings!

    what would be so bad about it if someone listens at your door? You just move around your apartment normally like every other person!? Or do you have a deep, dark secret !?

  • I have also wondered why the postman always rings at the top. I live right upstairs and that's where he ALWAYS rings first, although he almost never has anything for me! that's totally annoying! ; -D * :)

    when your best friend rings the doorbell and you already notice it ringing, you can then open the door carefree or are you afraid that maybe. but someone else could be at the door?

    and even if someone rings the doorbell, you do not answer, but they can then hear you. it doesn't matter - you say yourself that you don't have to open it to everyone. I think you should see it as a good thing and also deliberately rumble. you don't care - it's your apartment and it's done! you are your own boss!

  • Hey, thanks for your sympathy.

    If I were you, I would trust someone professional (...)

    I don't think that it is reason enough for me to seek therapy, my personal level of suffering is not great enough for the subject either.

    My parents are therapists or child and adolescent psychologists, so I am clearly negatively influenced ...

    what would be so bad about it if someone listens at your door?

    Unfortunately, I can't answer that - I think I'm far too afraid of negative assessments. I am constantly worrying about who might think about me and why, and I am very suspicious of disclosing information about me in conversation. Maybe that's why I'm afraid of wild speculation ...

    I have also wondered why the postman always rings at the top. I live right upstairs and that's where he ALWAYS rings first, although he almost never has anything for me! that's totally annoying!

    Ha, a fellow sufferer!

    when your best friend rings the doorbell and you already notice it ringing, you can open the door carefree or are you afraid that maybe. but someone else could be at the door?

    Yes, that is not a problem for me, so there are five different ring tones for my circle of friends ... In the meantime I can even tell people with the same "Morse Code" apart without any errors.

    and even if someone rings the doorbell, you do not answer, but they can then hear you. it doesn't matter - you say yourself that you don't have to open it to everyone. I think you should see it as a good thing and also deliberately rumble. you don't care - it's your apartment and it's done! you are your own boss!

    In principle, I see it the same way, but that's exactly what causes me problems. Strangers or strangers are not allowed to think wrongly of me - maybe that's why I hate to have visitors without being perfectly prepared.

    Oh, I would like a telephone system with a camera ...

  • Huhu!

    | -o | -o

    When the doorbell rings, I'm scared.

    You are not alone in this. Even with the fear that the person might then be eavesdropping or think negatively about you ... you speak from my soul. I generally do not open the door (unless the visit is announced), a) I have to prepare myself mentally for the visit and b) I have to change (I always wear rotten clothes at home, and I am short-sleeved, but none of that may see).

    Well Unfortunately, I don't have a solution either. Just wanted to tell you, you are not alone with this. @:):) *

    The why is pretty clear to me: fear of rejection. When I open the door, I have to speak to the person - that's a problem. But if I don't open it, she might still hear me - the walls here are quite thin. So she'll think to herself, "Is she crazy? Why doesn't she open? Antisocial?" - she could tell the neighbors. And when afterwards I meet someone in the stairwell (which unfortunately cannot always be avoided, although I always first look through the peephole and listen), then the person thinks negatively about me because they know - I'm the one who rings the doorbell does not open and that is not normal.

    Someone with a reasonably healthy self-confidence wouldn't care - after all, not everyone likes you anyway. But if you are already unsure, any rejection is unbearable. That's probably the same with you, isn't it?

  • I always flinch when the doorbell rings. That's why I turned the thing off, that's it. I don't want unannounced visits, that's that again.

    My friends know and accept that, but say I don't need to feel a kind of fear when the doorbell rings. Apparently I look so confident.

    Can't say exactly what I'm afraid of either. When faced with something unexpected, new, or strange, the vulture knows ......

  • oh, am the only man so far (who admits it )

    is unmanly too, eh?! 8-)

  • Phew, I'm glad I'm not alone.

    Hey silver! ?? Oh, take your time - at first I was worried, but then I read that you were tired of typing. I know it all too well, especially with longer messages. Don't have to answer. The main thing is that I know that everything is ok and that you weren't angry with me.

    You actually put it into words very aptly for you (and me). I also have to prepare precisely for this (cleaning - nobody should think that I am overwhelmed or let myself go, clothes - just don't look neglected, never without make-up, etc.), which is why I find it difficult to cope with short-term announcements of visits. Tomorrow, for example, my eleven-year-old cousin comes to us after school and sleeps here too, so everything has to be over-perfect and I need a week to prepare myself and my apartment to prepare a cooking plan etc.

    When I open the door, I have to speak to the person - that's a problem. But if I don't open it, she might still hear me - the walls here are quite thin. So she will think to herself: "Is she crazy? Why doesn't she open? Antisocial?" - she could tell the neighbors. And when afterwards I meet someone in the stairwell (which unfortunately cannot always be avoided, although I always first look through the peephole and listen), then the person thinks negatively about me because they know - I'm the one who rings the doorbell doesn't open and that's not normal.

    Exactly my thoughts. So that no cracks appear in the neat picture of me. I annoy myself with my circumstances and my hiding - "What should the neighbors say?" - Fears sound so narrow-minded and old-fashioned ... I really wish I could give a damn what others think, as I always pretend to be. This fear of being considered anti-social ... immense. For this reason I cannot open when the bell rings and I cannot make myself noticeable either.

    But if you are already unsure, any rejection is unbearable.

    hindukush:

    I always flinch when the doorbell rings. That's why I turned the thing off, that's it.

    So much consistency is admirable. Unfortunately, I can't set myself apart, and the children of my relatives (cousins, sister) often come to visit us to eat with us after school. I just need a bell.

    It's good that your friends accept this "unmanliness".

    Can't say exactly what I'm afraid of either. When faced with something unexpected, new, strange, the vulture knows ......: = o

    Most of all, probably.

    Another anecdote: Our bathroom was renovated, which meant craftsmen every day for three weeks from seven in the morning until late in the evening. It was scheduled for a week, after three they were ready and my cats were completely traumatized. On the last evening we said goodbye with a "thank you and goodbye" - the craftsmen emphasized several times how happy they were that it was finally over. Well, and the next morning at seven the doorbell rang again. We finally wanted to sleep in and of course were still in bed. I couldn't even open it because I hadn't showered and would have needed half an hour to get ready anyway, and there was no wiping and the dishes from the previous evening were still there. Consequence: We stayed in the bedroom until 4 p.m. (!!) and read, I snuck into the toilet and didn't dare to flush. The craftsmen worked in the neighboring apartment until four and then rang the doorbell every hour - right in front of the apartment door ... They even called the landlord who knocked and rang the doorbell ... I was so scared of shit.

    Well, especially with such penetrance I go crazy. My friend's former best friend may have done his part too. He's really just outrageous and has stayed in front of the door for three hours (!) Not a few times and rang the doorbell ... that was so nerve-wracking, every time! I don't understand how one can be so bold. We have explained to him several times that we are either not at home or that we don’t feel like visiting if we don’t open ... he doesn’t understand! Once my friend opened the door, foaming with rage, to make it clear to him that he should leave. He always rings the neighbors' doorbell and waits upstairs in the stairwell. Well, said "friend" jumped my friend's throat and put him in a headlock. Highly aggressive and choleric. Me: Called the police, have this person removed, broken off contact and changed apartment. Because of like this.

  • @ morella

    some are really pushy ...

    I have a phone and my friends call ahead. For example, if I'm expecting a tradesman, I of course ring the bell at the appointment, that's clear ...

    But otherwise, the apartment is my privacy and in the age of the Internet, cell phones, etc., nobody really needs to stand in front of the door unannounced.

    Sure, I'm also afraid, unfounded, that someone will notice what I'm doing and if I'm just sitting comfortably in front of the telly. I only want to reveal something about myself if I allow it.

    But they also ring for every shit ..., you sometimes don't believe that ...

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