What do you love hate

NLP: Hate - This is how you beat it!


NLP: Why we hate

Hate is not a nice feeling. Rather, it is the opposite of love and directly related to this beautiful feeling.
While you have butterflies in your stomach when you are in love, see everything through rose-colored glasses and float on cloud nine, hatred triggers exactly the opposite. You tense your muscles, you see everything negatively and you feel the person you hate, but maybe also yourself, as a threat. All of these feelings are repugnant to every human being, yet we often feel these feelings.
So why do we hate?

Hatred is an intrinsic impulse of human feelings. In detail this means: It is a feeling that we have had within us since the Stone Age and it is actually intended for you to survive when it matters. But now we don't have to fear saber-toothed tigers and hostile clans, but can consider ourselves lucky that we indulge in a great deal of luxury compared to then. This "primeval hatred" goes back to the fact that our ancestors hated everyone who got too close to their clan or themselves and thus posed a potential threat to their own survival.

What exactly happens to you when you hate someone?

Hate arises when you constantly have to accept injuries (physical or psychological) without being able to defend yourself against it. You surely know the feeling of immediate "powerlessness" when you suddenly feel that no matter what you do, you have no chance to defend yourself against a person. From this helplessness grows hatred, which can even go so far that you would do anything to destroy the hated person. Whereby - don't you just want to get rid of this terrible feeling? Does that mean you have to get rid of someone or something to do this? Yes, namely the feeling!


NLP: Why you love when you hate

Love and hate are always seen as opposites. On the one hand, it has to do with the intense feeling. If you love someone, then the feeling is very strong and there is hardly anything that can beat it. It's the same with hatred.
Both are extremes and it often happens that love becomes hate or hate becomes love.
For many people this is initially inconceivable. How am I supposed to hate the person I love? The reason is as simple as it is painful: your love is no longer reciprocated or your feelings have been hurt.
You love someone more than you love yourself and that person will do you maximum harm by betraying you or not reciprocating your feelings. That hurts you. The maximum feeling of love is explosively discharged, namely into a state of hate. After all, your feelings have to go somewhere.
So you still love this person indirectly, only your feelings have changed.


NLP: How to get out of the hate spiral

Are you screaming, raging and banging against the wall out of sheer anger? You literally drive out of your skin and no longer have yourself under control and that's exactly what you need to stop the Hassorkan.
Your soul screams and takes all of your attention. What you need now is guidance on how to deal with your outbreak.


1. Let the hatred out

You vented your anger and erupted like a volcano. On the one hand you have made it clear how you feel, on the other hand you will be ashamed shortly afterwards. You exploded. This is not good because you are showing everyone that you are out of control and how deep your wounds really are.
So always stay in control! Or not?
The anger has to get out somehow and quickly. But before doing anything stupid, back off and take a few deep breaths. To get rid of your aggression, you can do sports or, in the moments when you are alone, you can scream and shed tears of anger. Just don't take out your anger and hatred on others! If you can't stand it, talk to someone you know. Because in the end, hatred is always the result of pain.


2. Relax!

After the first wave of hatred hit you, now is the time to get control back. That means: take a deep breath and try to relax. Pay attention to your breathing rate and feel your whole body. Move your attention from your feet to your head. After that, the first anger is already gone. With this method, you calm your mind and body at the same time. Just because if you think that you cannot meditate or be still, you should do it.


3. Put yourself in the other person's shoes now

Why did the person act like this? This is not a question of guilt, but rather that you recognize the reasons of your counterpart. Gather as much information as you can and look at it from different angles. How would you have reacted if you had been there? What would you have felt and why?


4. What exactly makes you so hateful?

Hate is not only a very powerful, but also a diffuse, feeling. It comes as fast as it goes away. It is therefore important that you know the reason for your hatred. As mentioned in point 3, you should put yourself in the other person's shoes. Additionally, ask yourself if the hatred is so good for you. Enter into an internal dialogue and focus on the voice.

"What if I'm still so hateful?"
"You will not be able to think of anything else and you will no longer recognize the beauty of things."
"Where exactly does the hatred come from?"
[...]

Enter into dialogue with yourself and take your time. Some realizations take days
sometimes even weeks!


5. Have you been treated unfairly and injured?

You can now see exactly how that feels, do you actually want to put yourself on a par with this person or are you not above it? Just think about how badly the other person is doing (even if they don't realize it).
The other person is doing exactly what you shouldn't be doing: letting feelings of hatred eat you up. Maybe she doesn't hate any other person but herself and that is ultimately the worst that can happen to anyone. Because if you don't love yourself, you can't love another person either.


How to deal with self-hatred and what possibilities NLP offers you in the next article!