What is worse anorexia or bulimia
This is not a book to enjoy reading. On the contrary: it is a report that torments you relentlessly for being ruthlessly sincere. This is precisely why it is so enormously important for everyone who wants to understand what it looks like in the mind of a girl who is starving herself to death.
Lena S. is 24 when she begins to write down the history of her illness. She has been anorexic, anorexic, for seven years. A story so exemplary that many sick people will recognize themselves in it - and parents can open their eyes to the suffering of their child, which they do not want to see for fear of their own responsibility.
Lena S. grows up as an overprotected, easy-care child. She is good at school, ambitious, always trying to please everyone. Conflicts are swept under the rug in their families. Demarcation, the desire for individuality, is rejected by the parents as undesirable behavior, and Lena submits to the arbitrary tyranny of unwritten laws: in the morning there is white bread with jam, in the evening brown bread with cheese.
The first plate of rice pudding is eaten with cherries, the second with sugar and cinnamon. When Lena reaches puberty, she is torn between the desire to be someone special and unique and at the same time, in the need for harmony and love, assigning herself to the demands of the family. She begins to starve.
Last rescue: infirmary
A victory: she has finally found a way of overcoming the contradiction. Her illness makes her something special, and yet she remains the productive, exemplary daughter. In her fight against her own body she strives for "perfection" and for autonomy. An unattainable goal.
When she realized that her body was fatally weakened, instead of becoming independent, she maneuvered herself into a hopeless situation: the fear of eating is stronger than the fear of dying. "Life would mean food and when I eat everything is over, the possibility is eliminated from the start, and so there is only death on all sides." Lena is lucky: she comes to a clinic and survives.
The question that every adolescent asks himself during puberty, the one crucial question: Who am I? becomes a matter of life and death for anorexic people. It is to the great merit of this book not to reduce the disease to its symptoms, not to its shocking consequences, or to the influence of fads.
Behind an eating disorder there is always a profound identity disorder. Lena's thoughts inexorably revolve around the question: "Who else would I be if I suddenly ate normally again? What else would I have. Nothing. Nothing of my own anymore." And so Lena's report also makes it clear to the reader that anorexia is a disease that is usually not treatable and therefore endured, but accompanies the sick as a latent danger for a lifetime. (from 11 years)
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