Is sex really worth it

Newly in love? Why it is not worth waiting to have sex

Everything about this person just seems to be right: He * she laughs with you at your bad jokes, says tons of intelligent stuff and likes your favorite band. The air between you doesn't crackle, it burns. There you have him * her: the * the perfect * relationship candidate. It's already wild when you make out and if you're honest, you're so excited that you would like to tear off your clothes on the spot and do it with him * her.

But what do you do instead?

Thank you for the nice evening and go home with blood congestion in your crotch. Because this is not supposed to be one of those little, meaningless bed stories, but something very special.

There are many myths about the right way to start a relationship. One of them is to take your time birding. There are many arguments for this. I'm sure everyone has a favorite of them: After all, anticipation is the greatest joy. Good sex requires a high level of familiarity. Only the one who can wait is really serious about you. Those who make themselves scarce make themselves coveted. What begins as a bed story cannot become a relationship. People who are keen on sex are not fit for relationships. Who wants to be with someone who does it with everyone?

So why not do it now?

Some of it sounds plausible. But mostly it does because we've heard it a thousand times. This is our collective narrative of how things should go between people - in our society where sexuality, for all its permissiveness, is obviously still considered something that needs to be controlled.

These are all just stories. Maybe at some point they were justified and maybe they have become a reality for someone. But has anyone ever proven that the chances of losing a relationship really increase just because you surrender to the flow and attack each other? Whether two people find each other is determined by so many, mostly unconscious factors, that it is downright ridiculous to give this one such power.

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What has been proven at the University of Iowa, on the other hand, is that the timing of the first intimate contact has no effect on later satisfaction in the relationship. In other words: It doesn't matter when you sleep with someone for the first time, whether on the first evening, after three dates or three months. Either you are a good team or you are not. Point.

So why not do it right away if you feel like it? Here are even more reasons to have sex soon:

Greater chances of good sex

Popular belief is that the greater the intimacy, the better the sex. But this is only half the truth. Of course, great emotions intensify the physical, but the fact is that we usually have to have done it a few times for the really big fireworks anyway. That means: we have to groove each other anyway. Then we can start right away.

Because the longer we wait, the higher our expectations of this ominous first time together become. So the likelihood that after several weeks of dating and subsequent pretty okay sex you will soberly wonder whether that should really have been all is brutally high.

If, on the other hand, you haven't gotten into this emotional thing so much, a "Wow, not bad for the first time!" Is almost to be expected. In all honesty: what do you prefer?

You know what you have

Even if the first night together won't be comparable to, say, the tenth, it still says everything about what you can expect in the future. First, you get an overview of the physical structure of your loved one, such as appearance, smell and taste. Second, you find out how you guys fit together in bed. Do you want almost the same thing or are you poking past each other in an uncoordinated manner? Do you feel good or do you feel like you have to perform? Exuberant hustle and bustle or "blowing yes, licking no"?

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You can only win: Either it was so good that you want to continue or it was so bad that you don't. In both cases, you know what you have and don't need to waste any more time.

Closer through sex

Even if a certain amount of closeness is useful for ecstasy, sex, conversely, also creates intimacy. Once we have naked each other physically, sweating and penetrating each other, we automatically open up emotionally as well. This is due to the closeness hormone oxytocin, which floods our bodies during sex and especially during orgasm and makes it so difficult for us not to fall in love with the person who worries us really well. Sex connects.

Sex also helps us to get to know each other better: we trust a person we've been in bed with much more easily with personal things. And that's exactly what you want - to get to know each other better, right?

No games

Do you feel like it? There is no reason to hold back with it. Besides, it's just honest. Nothing is more grueling than people who play these I-make-me-rare or I-don't-do-it-games with everyone. Of course, this will make you interesting at first, but who should he * she like: you as you are with all your 563 fantasies, toys, sex partners or any fake copy of yourself?

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Between old role models and one-night stands: Young Chinese women in a sex dilemma

Insider tip: If he * she judges you even remotely for your horniness, seriously ask yourself if you are really interested in someone like that. Spoiler: You shouldn't be. Not really.