What are some expressions of love
Relationship Test Do you speak the same emotional language?
Small gestures, big words, tenderness or togetherness: love has many faces - and even more ways to express yourself. Unfortunately, these signs don't always arrive. Because everyone speaks a different emotional language. You can find out what these are here.
I'm pissed off. Why? Because my boyfriend doesn't appreciate what I'm doing for him. I tidy up our kitchen, cook for us and even wash his shirts. Why am i doing this? Not because I like cleaning so much, but because I know that my loved one is busy at work and shouldn't spend his valuable free time behind the ironing board, but with me. This is exactly why I was looking forward so much to our undisturbed weekend together. And what does he do? He takes me by surprise with a short trip: Together with two couples who are friends, I am going to Paris for the weekend.
Nice meant. And generous too. But where are we? Why doesn't he prefer to spend his time alone with me? And anyway: why doesn't he just say thank you for taking my back and doing so much for him?
The language of love: everyone speaks a different one
Why doesn't my friend do any of this? Because he speaks a different love language than me. At least that's how Gary Chapman would explain our conflict. The psychologist has put forward the thesis that every person has a different way in which he expresses his love, but also how his partner's love messages are understood by him. When I confronted my friend with my allegations, he was amazed. From his point of view, the situation is completely different. He says that he gave me the trip precisely because he loves me so much and because he wants to thank me for all my support. That is also the reason why he so often embraces and caresses me, but often wonders why I react negatively to them.
My friend and I are a classic case of language difficulties on an emotional level. Apparently each of us has a different way of showing our love, but we come across granite with our partner because they simply do not understand this type of love expression as such. Or, to put it in the words of Gary Chapman: My friend conveys his love through gestures of tenderness and small (or large) gifts, while I package my love messages in togetherness and willingness to help - and also want to receive them.
The five languages of love help to communicate better in the relationship
Gary Chapman has identified a total of five ideal typical love languages in which people want to express and receive their love.
praise and recognition
1 There are characters who express love through compliments, words of praise, or gestures of appreciation. It is easy for them to recognize the strengths of the other and to praise them. In return, they feel loved when their partner compliments them too.
2 “Quality time” is the greatest good for people who speak this love language. They show love by taking time for their partner and wanting to spend it exclusively with him. Of course, they would like their partner to do the same. Time spent together is interpreted as an expression of love.
10 romantic excursions to drive away everyday life:
Gifts that come from the heart
3 People who express love through gifts are not about material things. On the contrary: even with small gifts, they know how to show their love. It is much more about the loving act of choosing. The souvenir from a trip or the chocolate that the partner is so fond of are signs of their affection. They also like to receive gifts because they confirm that the other person has taken the time to make them happy.
Romantic gift ideas:
4 I love you and that's why I help you wherever I can. That is the motto of these love types. From carrying shopping bags to helping with the job search or financial support: each other is love, at least from the point of view of these people.
5 Cuddling, caressing, kissing and of course sex: Tender gestures are a language of love, which for some people is the most important message of a relationship. The more intense physical contact is lived, the more you love and you feel loved.
Why kissing is more important than sex:
Love languages are also spoken among friends and children
Of course, one does not necessarily speak a single language of these five models. There can be mixed forms. Basically, however, according to Gary Chapman, these five behaviors are the most succinct expressions of love there are. And, by the way, this applies not only to loving couples, but also to all other interpersonal relationships.
The self-baked cake for the colleague, the pat on the back with a friend or the help with the neighbors moving are forms of loving communication. Even small children can already be observed how they express their love. Whether it's the painted works of art, the many kisses and cuddles or rather the sentence: "I love you, mom!" is: Even among the little ones, preferred love languages can be identified.
Communicate better in a relationship: Learn to speak the same language
But as with any other language, the love language according to Gary Chapman only works if two partners use and understand the same languages. A conversation between a French and a Spaniard can only succeed if they understand each other. Nothing else applies to the success of a relationship. And the good news is: languages can be learned.
With me and my boyfriend, a short conversation was enough for each to at least know how to interpret the other's language in retrospect. Perhaps in the future we will even be able to understand each other's language sooner. And maybe even answer him in his own language.
Anyway, I understood that my darling is the tenderness and gift type. I am therefore all the more happy about the many small gestures and touches that I had barely perceived as a conscious declaration of love before. With this knowledge, it is now even easier for me to reciprocate his touch. Our relationship is more tender - and, by the way, our quality time has increased. Because he also understood my language. For me togetherness is the greatest good of love.
Image: iStock / Katerina Sisperova, Gifs via GIPHY
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