Why do I always find false friends

False friends: we should recognize these 7 species and banish them from our lives

Last update: 14 February, 2018

False friends are like the dark back of the moon, whose existence we don't initially suspect. At first they blind us with their magic and kind attentions, but little by little we see this other side in which the huge craters of a selfish person emerge. This meager and desolate affection that robs us of our strength without our noticing it. These are personality profiles that we should recognize as early as possible, especially for the sake of our emotional health.

It is said that friendship is the best ingredient for a happy life. Of course that is love too, but a good friend differs from a partner in that the connection with him sometimes goes deeper than that in a partnership or with a family member. Friendship is woven from common ground, from shared experiences and intense trust. For us it is a source of endless energy and gives us quality of life.

"Those who consider themselves good and courteous are the same people who, out of envy, wish you the worst."

Lucca Capiotto

Nevertheless, it is inevitable from time to time that we come across these specimens in our social environment, whose self-interest and selfishness are hidden under the veil of the most radiant friendship. And of course we fall for them. Because our innocence does not leave us in doubt for a moment that every good friendship aims to make the other happy, to support him and to take care of his well-being.

But at some point it happens and disappointments, small lies, constant contempt and puzzling manipulation come to light. Like it or not, we're up against one of those fake friends we didn't see coming but which we should part with as soon as possible for our health and our own dignity.

Kinds of fake friends

1. The social climber

The first type of false friend we encounter very early in our life is that of the "social mountaineer". We meet them at school, at university or at work. They are those friends who Become friends with us for one reason only: to climb the ladder on a social level.

It often happens that, during their school days, these people seek proximity to the most popular students or to the classmates who have the best grades. Then later in the workplace, they humiliate and manipulate anything and everything to get a better position.

2. The friend who is by your side in good times and disappears as soon as bad weather comes up

This typology of false friendship will certainly sound familiar to most of us. We are talking about people who are always by our side on days when everything is quiet and you feel good, who go to every party or party and are always there on spontaneous excursions. But if any problem or situation arises where we would be grateful for their support and interest in us, they go away like the wind when you close a window.

3. The troubleshooter who judges you

If there is one thing that characterizes healthy friendship, it is that it is always good for us. This is why we feel so good around a true friend, we can be sure that we will not be judged or criticized and that after spending a few hours with this person, we will be better off than before when we go our separate ways walk.

However, that doesn't happen with false friends. With them, it is often the case that we go home feeling worse than before. With this typology, it is very often the case that the hobby of this false friend is to find faults in us, to point them out to us - whether we have made the mistake or not - and to judge ourselves day in and day out. This dynamic leads to enormous emotional exhaustion.

4. The friend who envies you in reverse or bluntly

“You always do everything right”, “This doesn't happen to you, only to me”, “You are always so lucky”, etc. We hear these and similar sentences over and over again From these false friends who envy us deep down.

What really works inside them is insufficient self-esteem, which shows through these kinds of mutually unhealthy interactions.

5. The friend who wants things to go well for you, but not better than for him

This quirk of false friendship is as interesting as it is widespread. It shows up in the following way: We have people in our lives who encourage us to surpass ourselves, to achieve something. But as soon as that happens, they distance themselves from us or feel uncomfortable instead of being happy for us.

Behind these situations there is once again a person with a very low self-esteem: These "friends" feel more comfortable when we are on an equal footing with them and experience the same conditions as them. But every trace of success or improvement puts them to the test. You get caught up in contradictions and feel uncomfortable.

6. The rival disguised as a “best friend”

When you buy a cell phone, one of your friends is sure to be trying to get an even better one. If you sign up for the gym, that person will surely do the same to excel at your performance. His goal: to be better than you in everything you do, what you set out to do.

These false friends act as if they were our punishing justice, our shadow that follows us every step of the way. They try to be better than us in every area of ​​life.

7. The friend who manipulates you

The manipulative friend is this discreet but relentless specimen that attaches puppet strings to us, so that we can dance to his tune for a while. Now and then he takes on the role of victim, other times he blackmails us emotionally, sometimes he betrays us and uses insidious strategies so that he can keep us in his hand and always get what he wants.

How long we allow the manipulative boyfriend to behave in this way depends on our affection for him, on whether he is a friend for life or a friend we have had since childhood and with whom we have lived so much to have. How can we end this emotional connection that has been with us for so many years? It may be difficult for us, but few things are as destructive as allowing the influence of someone who doesn't love us or wants us bad.

As we can already imagine, there are many other types of false friends: the friend who criticizes us, who betrays us, who makes fun of us, etc. We could describe innumerable typologies, But the most important thing about all of this is that we not only recognize them, but can also deal with them.

Every now and then we have to sever this relationship, this bond. But sometimes it is enough if we clarify something, draw boundaries and maybe even encourage the personal growth of this one friend and buff his self-esteem so he can create healthier relationships.

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