Why do people prefer extroverted leaders

18 people talk about what it feels like to be an introvert

When you're an introvert, you find it very difficult to have a conversation, and when you're in public you feel alone. You feel out of place in society, and when you need to recharge your batteries, the time you spend alone feels incredibly satisfying.

The following experiences can help you find out what it feels like to be an introvert:

1. Katrin, 32

I get frustrated when I have to explain to someone that I need time to myself. People say that sometimes they feel that way too. But what they don't understand is that this is my preferred mode because I almost always want to be alone. My statement that I sometimes need some time alone sounds relaxed because I don't want to hurt anyone or because someone thinks I'm weird.

I feel sad when people take it personally that I don't want to spend time with them or when they want to break off the conversation because my emotional battery needs to be recharged. It's not personal. Unless our conversation doesn't get beyond the painful small talk. Because in that case it's personal.

It hurts when people joke that I'm antisocial and hate people just because they can't imagine a world in which everyone isn't as extroverted as they are.

I feel claustrophobic when people ask me on Monday morning what I did that weekend because:I hate to chat and feel trapped by this pointless question.

Whatever I've done, usually something on my own, it won't make any sense and I'll be sorry for not having friends.
I feel depressed when the sun comes out because I know everyone outside will be playing volleyball or football, having a barbecue or doing something social. But I love the rain and the winter.

I feel spurious when chatting with someone. I'm very interested in people so why do I have to pretend I'm not?

I feel lonely when I meet a group of people and we don't talk about anything.

I'm nervous when my phone rings or when I have to make a call.

I feel discouraged over viewing ads "Work for Introverts" read, because these ads are all about working from home. I'm not a prisoner, I'm an introvert. (I'm not saying that people who do this work are imprisoned).

I am satisfied when I have a really good conversation with a small group of people about something that is useful.

I feel guilty for often confusing people about being an introvert. Because I am a sociable and friendly person. People don't realize that I'm introverted and that's why at some point I have to disappoint them by not wanting to spend so much time with them. And that's why I think I shouldn't be so sociable, but I can't help that either.

I feel happy when my friends understand that even though I'm not the most sociable person and I don't like going to restaurants with them, they can still count on me. Because I will always remember the things that are important to them and anticipate how they will feel before they tell me.

I feel inspired by nature, by reading, by watching my favorite films.

I am disappointed because the introverts supposedly should be smarter and better thinkers. Looks like I'm not one of them.

I love the increasing number of books, lectures, postings about introversion and how many people have commented that they no longer think that they are the only ones feeling this way. Introverts should stick together!

2. Robert, 62

I was an introvert for over 40 years and still am to some extent. And it was never easy to live with. People assume that just because you're introverted is arrogant, dismissive, and rude. They find you boring and you are less likely to be invited to parties. In fact, introverts are not considered "normal" by some.

You have a hard time getting to know women, and even if you get married, people wonder how you will get along with your life partner. And nowadays there are also films that portray “introverts” as dangerous, psychotic, or obsessed stalkers.

But here are a few things I want to make on the subject of introversion.

Nobody is a 100% introvert, rather it's more of a 50-50 ratio. In some cases, the introverted ratio is slightly higher, perhaps by 60-70%. Thus, introverts are able to speak and express themselves whenever they want.

Introverts usually talk about the topics that interest them. If they're not interested in something, they won't talk about it either. I can talk a lot about movies or sports, but I can barely talk about fashion trends. Because I just can't pretend interest to impress someone.

Introverts aren't rude and aloof, we just need our own private space. We just want this time for ourselves to reflect and withdraw. And we hate it when someone disturbs our privacy. Respect our privacy, our right to be alone, and trust me, we can be best friends for life.

Introverts may not be good speakers, but they are usually good listeners. I might not be the party type, but if you need someone to talk to about how you feel, I'll always be there for you.

Exactly because I am an introvert and, above all, a good listener, my friends very often tell me their secrets. And yes, people will have great faith in you because they know that you will not reveal their secrets.

Do introverts feel lonely?

Yes. Myself, I felt lonely very often. When I wasn't invited to an event or party, when I had to watch a movie alone or in a new place, when I had no one to share my feelings with, when I saw couples spending time together and me had nobody and and and ...

But over the years I learned to live with my loneliness.

The loneliness made it possible for me to discover life in a way that I could not otherwise have done. It made me watch movies that I normally couldn't see with my friends, I read books that I wanted to read. The loneliness helped me think, gather my thoughts, which in some ways helped me write later.

Introverts are “normal” people who just need their own space, who prefer to talk about what interests them, and who can be good listeners. There's nothing wrong with being one of them.

3. Werner, 36

How does it feel to be an introvert? I feel frustrated that I always have to apologize to people for occasionally wanting to take time to myself or for feeling awkward defending my need for alone time.

I'm tired of trying to convince others that I'm normal and that introversion is misunderstood, even among those who consider themselves introverted! I am an introvert, this is how I feel and I am fine with that. And I won't apologize for that either.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about it, especially over the past year and a half. I am a very strong introvert attending business school, one of the most socially active environments I have ever encountered.

The term “introvert” has an unnecessarily bad reputation for reasons I don't fully understand and wants to address some misconceptions. My thoughts that follow are of course generalizations and involve the same risks that any kind of generalization brings with it.

First, let's find out what it means to be an introvert. In short, we regenerate by being alone. Also, some famous writers have referred to introverts as people whose energy increases through reflection and decreases during interaction.

Misunderstanding # 1: "Introversion is an embellished name that we give because of a lack of social skills."

This is a common misconception made by introverts. We are considered the social outcasts. We are taught as children to make friends with the other children playing in the sandpit. And when we don't make friends with them, we're strange and our parents have to apologize to the other parents for our behavior.

We have to re-learn what introvert really means. Introverts can, and most are, perfectly social. We have a lot of friends and we fit the social definition of normal pretty well. That means that if all of our friends are spending the fifth night in a row in a bar, we prefer to take a night to ourselves.

Misunderstanding # 2: "Introverts are calm and don't like to talk."

Another wrong statement. I like to talk because I have a lot to say. After spending an above-average amount of time thinking and reading, I want to share what I have learned with others. I want to know what others think of what I'm thinking now.

But I don't like to talk to a group of people I don't know, I don't like to talk in loud surroundings, and I don't like to talk about stupid things or what some would call "chatting". I would much rather talk about the important topics in my life and hear what topics my friends are interested in. And when we come across a topic that interests us all, I can talk to you for hours.

Misunderstanding # 3: "If introverts had a choice, they'd rather be alone than in a group."

That is not necessarily true either. There are so many episodes of my favorite series that I can watch in a row before I leave the apartment and go out with my best friends. Some of my fondest memories are trips with friends or projects with large groups.

As mentioned earlier, I can activate my group skills without much difficulty. But as an introvert, I just have to balance my time with my rest time. When I know a number of social events are about to come, I need to plan ahead to spend my time alone so that I can recharge my batteries.

I also need to make sure I don't schedule social events for too many days in a row after work. Because when I do that, at the end of the week I'm always very exhausted. But as long as I can gauge how much time I can spend with my friends, they will always have a good time with me.

Misunderstanding # 4: "Introverts are not good leaders."

We see exceptionally charismatic leaders and begin to believe that being an extrovert is a requirement in order to inspire others and gain a following.

There are two types of leaders: those who inspire others through their personality (Oprah) and those who inspire others through their knowledge (Einstein). Introverts tend to contribute to the world with their knowledge and many have done so too. They have also built huge organizations that have evolved over time.

Misunderstanding # 5: “Introverts are only a small part of the population”.

Various studies have shown that around half of the population is considered introverted.

I often think that introverts are under the same misfortune of "Invisible minorities" suffer, such as those with religious affiliation or those who identify as LGBT. When we cannot see what someone is by looking at them, we tend to underestimate how many people identify with that subgroup.

This is especially true for those who are introverted, as we feed ourselves with energy. Others won't necessarily know we're introverted if we don't tell them. And that's exactly what I've been trying to do lately. It's amazing how many people say they are introverted too. It's an instant connection!


Introversion is just another aspect of the complexity that makes up the human race. It should not be celebrated or lamented. Rather, it should simply be understood. Those of us who are introverts must learn to live in a world that seems to be full of extroverts. Above all, this includes the right balance between social time and time for yourself so that we can really be active when we socialize.

And those who are extroverts have a chance to better understand where the introverts come from. Almost half the population identifies as introverted to some extent, so we are not abnormal outcasts!

4. Daniel, 29

Having conversations with other people feels like an exercise. I feel better every time I do this and it makes me stronger and healthier. Conversations can wear me out, and if I talk too much, I feel irritable and uptight.

But if I go without it for too long, I feel sluggish and suffocated. Ultimately, it is the space in between that drives and supports me. And on some days I just don't want to have conversations, but rather be at home and read books or something else that I enjoy and that I don't need anyone for.

5. Svenja, 40

I had a childhood with the worst combination of introversion. I was an only child and my dad's job kept moving house, which meant I spent most of my childhood as the "weird new girl".

I spent and still spend a lot of time “in my head”. From the outside, I would look like a calm person, lost or completely disinterested in those around me. But if you could listen to my thoughts, there would be non-stop talk in my head.

It's like talking to yourself in silence, and we're talking about everything and everyone that's going on around me. As a result, I have a closer observation of my surroundings than many other people, although sometimes I get lost in my thoughts.

My introversion did me good. It helped me survive my lonely childhood. I spent my vacation reading a book, playing board games, or just dreaming. It was a blessing for my parents because I didn't whine that often because we had to move often or because I felt bored and lonely. But since first impressions are last, I have very few friends simply because I come across as rude, stupid, and boring.

It's not that I don't like people, it's just that there are so many interesting thoughts in my head that it takes something stronger and better to get rid of those thoughts and communicate with other people. I feel lonely at times, but it is really tiresome work to have a steady stream of conversations outside of my areas of interest.

And no matter how hard I try to be interesting, I would never conform to the usual standards of interest. Years of work have taught me to open up to people more easily, but compared to the average person, I'm still an introverted person who is often perceived as rude, disinterested, shy, or worse, stupid.

6. Kevin, 26

Sometimes being an introvert in a crowd can be oppressive. The analogy of “battery discharge” is actually very apt: Being around people, no matter how much I enjoy it, drains my batteries and eventually makes me tired of body and mind.

I recently spent a few days in meetings with colleagues, followed by dinner, and over dinner I realized I was too exhausted. No matter how much I enjoyed socializing with my friends and having dinner fun, the only thing I really wanted at the moment was to be alone in my hotel room.

7. Aylin, 25

When I'm alone, I can think best and feel most relaxed.

This means that I am more productive when I work alone on a project than when I present my ideas in front of other people.It's not that I can't contribute, but I can only think deeply and sideways about a problem when I'm not under the pressure of general social interaction.

There is very little chance that I will be the first to start a conversation. But if you start talking to me, it's not a problem. Remember, introverts are not aliens or behaviorally challenged. What matters is how much you value each type of social interaction and where to think best.

I do not long for social contact. I am very happy to be able to do my own thing. When I go to a big social event that a friend is hosting, I usually take a full day off to relax and re-energize just because I don't find it relaxing being around others, even if it's just a movie night or something like that. And that can wear me out. Besides, I never get bored when I'm alone.

Once at college, I talked to a friend about how boring I find dancing to be an activity. And how annoying it is that it's the only accepted activity for students that is so unimaginative. He said he didn't like it either so I asked why he was leaving? He said: “Better than sitting at home all day staring at the wall”.

I was totally amazed. I just couldn't imagine that someone could be so bored at home when they could do so many things like reading books, watching TV, writing poetry, listening to music or the like. And I still feel like you have nothing better to do than an activity that you hate just because it's seen as "social". That may say something about the difference between the introverted and the extroverted mind.

8. Simone, 39

It's hard to live with labels. But when I have to, I say that I feel good because I'm an introvert, at least in the sense that I don't need constant contact with people around me to feel good. I also enjoy being able to enjoy my own company and not having to be stimulated by superficial conversations.

I feel bad when other people get the wrong picture of me. This happens because I don't speak a lot, and because of that, I may look uninteresting, unsociable, and worthless. Because the truth is, I don't care about insignificant things. I don't have the energy to invest or waste in things that I can't stand. Why should I do that? Why should anyone do that?

But I see that other people's love, which is so insignificant, has become fashionable and that depresses me. I see that it's worth being loud and that's why I have to go away.

I'm not saying that all extroverts are loud, shallow, or insignificant. But maybe they have an inexhaustible appetite for all social stimuli where mine is limited.

I've felt lonely in my past, even isolated in my own mind. In fact, the only person who has ever understood me is my husband. Before him I was living a great lie, pretending to be amused by certain things while I was suffering internally, looking longingly over my shoulders and wondering how long it would be before someone noticed that this conversation was the life out of me sucked.

It is very important that at least one person in this big world understands me, and perhaps because I have grown into myself with age, it allows me to walk away from where I would have previously suffered in silence, even from a misguided attempt at Extroversion would have participated.

I've learned that more than anything, it doesn't matter what we think of ourselves. It is important that we remain true to ourselves.

9. Claudia, 32

I enjoy being introverted, but it would be nicer if society accepted that too. Even my own partner can't help but be frustrated because I don't want to be around people. Life is a constant struggle of wanting to be alone and in your comfort zone and pushing yourself to become more sociable.

If you don't go out you feel bad, but if you do, you feel uncomfortable and want to go home. Sometimes it works out fine, but the number of times you feel anxious and how you want to go home makes it harder to muster the motivation to go out again.

Sometimes I envy people with best friends, especially girls, who go out and do things together. But I just can't keep a relationship going with anyone because as soon as we get close, I freak out and pull out. I don't like the idea that I have to commit myself to something. I want my freedom. It's a miracle that I'm in a love relationship at all, but I also thank my friend's tenacity for that.

When I'm at an event, instead of talking to people, I sit in a corner, read a book or draw something. I've done this a number of times and have enjoyed the convenience of being with others without having to speak to them. Too bad it makes me look rude or snooty.

10. Tatiana, 27

Actually, it doesn't feel bad to be an introvert.

I would like to name a few typical characteristics of this wellbeing:

  • I don't get bored when I'm alone.
  • I spend a lot of time thinking and analyzing.
  • I can't judge people by how they look because my opinion is usually well thought out.
  • I hate chatting because it is a waste of energy and time for me.
  • I don't like crowds because I prefer individuals.
  • I tend to have my own opinion that the majority can contradict.
  • I value deep personalities.
  • I manage to build lifelong relationships.
  • I understand very well that every person has a right to personal freedom.
  • And I respect that right.
  • I feel very lonely when I'm surrounded by people who don't understand me.
  • I don't have a constant need for company because I can motivate myself.
  • I'm not impressed with anyone's social, political, or professional status.

11. David, 35

As an introvert, I like to spend time in solitude. Mainly because I have so many books that I want to read, movies that I want to watch, and thoughts that I want to write down. I can keep myself busy for hours without getting bored.

Don't get me wrong, I sometimes feel the urge to communicate with the outside world, but if I do this for too long I get bored quickly.

One of the biggest hurdles to being an introvert is opening up to people. Of course, I think people are comfortable around others who can talk and express their thoughts seamlessly. Unfortunately, I don't work that way, so I have to come to terms with who I am.

Of course, I wish I were more extroverted, since these personalities are more standard at school or at work. But what can you do when you are who you are. I see myself as a completely normal person who happens to enjoy his own company. If you have to blame someone, it's not me, but my hobbies.

12. Sabine, 42

Feeling introverted is peaceful, calm, and grounded. It's really easy to delve deep into a topic or project because that's what my mind naturally wants. Creating things gives me energy. I can write, research or work artistically for hours without noticing how time goes by. This kind of work gives me refreshment.

Since my parents are introverts, I stayed with them "You're strange" Saves messages that some introverts grow up with. My spouse is also an introvert. We have quite a quiet household and we still have to spend a fair amount of time alone each day.

But I enjoy working with other people. I can bring my strengths to teamwork and I love to discover the strengths of others. I get on very well with all of my colleagues at work. But I still have to do most of the work alone.

The more lonely I am, the more effective I can be. My home office is a haven and the best place to work. A noisy office would exhaust me and prevent me from doing anything.

If I communicate with people all day and I have enjoyed every minute, I have to be alone for at least an hour when I get home. I can recharge my batteries when I go home alone, but I need to take a break from driving the bus. Being in a crowd is exhausting. But being in the garden, walking with animals, or doing something creative like works of art gives me the refreshment I need.


If I can get in touch with other people several times a week, discuss different ideas with them or just share the beauty of the world around us with them, then I am not lonely at all. I love to be with people who are discussing different ideas and looking for the underlying reasons for things.

Crowds tend to be frustrating because rarely are there so many connections in a crowd. Being around people physically doesn't make me feel more or less lonely because the exchange of ideas is important to me.

I've been to events where the music was too loud to have any conversation. What good is it to be with all these interesting people if you can't sit and talk? Imagine being in a small room with kids who all have had way too much sugar and are screaming very loudly. Now imagine that this sound is even louder.

You may appreciate each and every one of these children, but I bet you would be ready to lie down in a quiet room quickly. This is exactly how an introvert feels when he's at a party. It is really exhausting. If I stay at a party like this for a very long time, I feel overwhelmed by the noise and I expect to see bruises when I look in the mirror.

But when I'm invited to an event that I have to go to, such as a company party, the trick is to get there early and leave when the situation gets worse.

13. Andreas, 24

As for loneliness, I can sum it all up for you in one line. I like to be alone, but I hate to be left alone.

14. Laura, 26

Introverts can also feel lonely. It is not a question of whether a person wants human company or not, but how many people there are and how long this sociability will last.

I can talk for hours with someone who is intelligent and thoughtful and doesn't feel the need to leave, but if I'm at a party with a lot of unfamiliar people then I'll immediately disappear into a dark corner. Because I think more of quality than quantity.

15. Philip, 37

If you are an introvert then you have very low tolerance for unfulfilled social situations and a high standard for those you hang out with. My impression is that many extroverts tolerate events, and people they don't particularly like just because they don't want to be alone, but introverts don't struggle with this problem.

A healthy introvert would rather be alone than in a social setting that exhausts them and will not feel lonely or sad for making that choice alone.

16. Julia, 28

Things are not that simple for me because I am not a pure introvert.

Yes, I love silence, I love taking time for things, I love to dream and to live most of the time in my own universe. I like to listen to music, I like to draw and I like art in general. I like to sit in silence and watch a movie or research something that interests me. I experience the awkwardness of chatting all the time.

Social contacts feel like they're draining my life. I find that after a long day with people I don't know well, there is nothing better than being alone to recharge your batteries. I don't talk a lot because I think a lot more than I speak.

But despite all of these qualities that allow me to identify with the introvert, I also experience a strong desire for social ties. I have experienced a lot of psychological stress since early childhood because of a lack of real friendships. I've never been able to understand why people talked to me first but then walked away from me after a short while.

Now I think it's just my sudden change from being an extrovert to an introvert. I'm social and energetic at first, but when I get to know someone, I calm down and withdraw.

It hurts that I can't mingle with other people. Somehow, even when it seems like I am making progress, I discover that my friends are terrible people. There is only one friend I have known for years and with whom I am still friends today.

I've known her since we were kids and although we broke up and don't have many common interests and opinions anymore, she likes me because I'm a good listener and I like her because she's my whole social life outside of my long-term Relationship and family is.

Sometimes I enjoy being alone, but sometimes I really can't stand it. I want to speak, be active, and think less and act more, but every time I try, it's like an automated system inside of me that pauses before I can do anything.

So I came to the conclusion that I have to be content with the golden mean. 50% of me are more introverted and the other 50% are extroverted. That explains all of my internal conflicts and frustrations. And I wonder if I still have to choose a side.

17. Leonard, 38

It's difficult to be an introvert when everyone thinks you're an extrovert. But let me explain it to you. I love to think a lot, read and watch a good movie, but I find it exhausting to be around other people.

Anyway, when I am with others I have a tendency to be the one who is fun, talkative, and funny. I don't enjoy going out with friends, but when we meet I'm the funny one. This makes people think that I'm an extrovert and they want me to go to different parties with them. But I often say no and people don't understand that.

I love my little world. I can have scary thoughts at times, but I love that I am self-sufficient and that I am happy.

18. Bianca, 31

I feel lonely because a lot of people don't understand what it is to be an introvert. I feel like people judge me for some things that are normal for an introverted person. Sometimes I don't like to talk. I could be on the phone forever and not care a bit about the "awkward silence". I tend to think a lot, but I don't always speak my mind.

I have a habit of leaving an event early because I am exhausted from the energy I have used up. It's not that I don't like to meet new people because I really do. But I just work a lot better with a small group of friends who understand me and my “normal” behavior.

I feel like people are judging me. I know I shouldn't care what other people think of me, but I do. When I meet friends, I like to sit in the background and just listen. But then everyone assumes that I am not enjoying myself well enough, which makes it even more stressful because I have to reassure them that I am and put more energy into making it look like I am having fun .

May I say I hate chatting? I'm more interested in how you think or why you do the things that you do. I will ask you a lot of questions if you let me.

There are people in my life who I value very much because they took the time and effort to get to know me as a person and to love me for who I am. I'm not even sure these people know, but I would do anything they ask of me. I just prefer to hang out with them than all these people I don't know.