I am very shy. What can I do
sofatutor magazine student
Shy people think badly of themselves and believe that others think of them that way too. To overcome shyness, you need more self-confidence.
Your teacher suddenly calls you up in class. You have to say something. But your heart is beating so loud that you don't understand the question. Your face gets hot and you blush. Then you whisper something until you are left alone. Then you are tormented by doubts: Do the others think badly of me now? I'm always making a fool of myself!
Why are you shy?
Shyness is the uncertainty that arises when you meet unfamiliar people or when you are the center of attention. It is the fear of doing wrong and being rejected by others because of that. Shy people have a bad image of themselves and believe that everyone else does too. But it's only your own negative evaluation that gets in your way. That means, in order to get rid of shyness in the long term, self-esteem must be strengthened and more self-confidence gained. But how?
1. Tip: Think around!
Do you think that you are worth less than others? That few people like you? Then your brain will search around the clock for evidence to support that thought. And if you search long enough, you will find: Your classmate looked at you strangely. You see that as proof that nobody likes you. Or maybe she's been thinking about something else. And while you feel validated in your negative self-image, you are overlooking the positive reactions. You block out anything that could prove you are valued.
That means you have to rethink. Try to gradually turn off the negative thoughts and superimpose them with positive ones. Tell yourself in the morning what's great about you. Think about the compliments you've already received. The only thing you need is patience. After all, you have a huge pile of negative thoughts in your brain. It takes time for all of them to be replaced with positive ones.
Tip 2: Set yourself small goals!
Of course, you won't become a talkative and extroverted person overnight. You don't have to either. It's okay to be cautious. And you should accept yourself like that. You only have to get rid of this fear and insecurity, as it torments you. So that your shyness doesn't get in the way of your goals, you should tackle it bit by bit. To do this, you face a challenge every day. For example, on the first day you can set yourself the task of shouting “Good morning” to a neighbor on the street. The next day, you just say hello to a stranger in the school yard. And so you increase day by day. Celebrate your success with a reward. And celebrate yourself!
3rd tip: Check your perception!
Your own perception sometimes plays tricks on you. You should realize that your thinking doesn't have to be reality. You just think your classmate doesn't like you. As long as she has never told you to your face, it has not been proven. And even if you think that you looked ridiculous in the last presentation, the others must not have felt that way.
Confide in someone close to you and ask how you appear in certain situations. What impression you make on others and how others react to you. You will be surprised that the perception is much more positive than you can imagine. And very important: believe the other person when they tell you something great about you!
4th tip: write down positive things!
And then write it down. Buy a nice book or notebook and write down all the nice moments that you have experienced during the day before you go to bed. Write down what or what you are looking forward to. Write down compliments you have received and write down the goals you have achieved.
You will also find that there is a lot of great things in your life that you have not noticed before. In this way you learn not to cling to negative thoughts, but rather to widen your eyes and concentrate on the good in your life and around you. This leads to more optimism and self-confidence in the long term - and both will overcome shyness.
Do you know any other tips that can help against shyness? Or are you very shy yourself and want to share your experiences? Then we look forward to your comment!
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Cover picture: © Mark Nazh / shutterstock.com
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