Jealousy is inevitable in polyamorous relationships

What is the polyamory? - advantages and problems

Last update: 03 February, 2017

"It is possible to be in love with several people at the same time, with all of them equally, without cheating on any one of them."

Gabriel García Marquez

Have you ever experienced that you were in love with two or more people at the same time?

Perhaps you thought that you would like to have a love affair with these people and enjoy them fully. But the traditional notion of a couple made up of two partners is so ingrained in us that only the The thought of having two or more partners makes us feel guilty.

In order to have relationships with several people in a satisfactory manner, one needs a lot of ethics and morals, because it takes total honesty to live this experience.

It may seem easier to us to lie and live in an open relationship without the other people involved knowing about it, but this would not allow us to fully live and enjoy the experience.

in addition, what is wrong with feeling love and desire for two or more people at the same time? Nothing. There is absolutely no reason to feel bad as long as we are honest and sincere, and that is exactly what is difficult.

The first thing we have to do to get to know polyamory (as much as "much love"), is to clearly separate it from other concepts with which it is so often confused.

Polyamory is ...

Polyamory is not an open relationship. In an open relationship, both partners seek other sexual partners, but they do not live together and the connection usually does not go beyond the sexual.

Polyamory is also not a partner swap, because swapping partners simply means entering into new kinds of sexual relationships with other couples.

Polyamory isn't a threesome because it's not just about sex, it's about a deeper relationship with two or more people.

Polyamory consists in having a love relationship with several people at the same time that is permanent.

What is clear is that the same things do not make us happy, nor the same way of living relationships. In fact, some people are happy in monogamous relationships and live them out to the full. But the infidelity in monogamous couples sometimes reveals our polyamorous nature.

What are the benefits of polyamory?

One of the basic advantages of polyamory, is that it is there is no possession. We are not owned by anyone and we do not own anyone. Thus we end something that is common in monogamous relationships and that goes against our human nature: the possession of the other person.

Free sex with other people without feeling guilty is something we can benefit from in a polyamorous relationship. From beginning to we have to be honest about what we want and how we want it. That way there will be no misunderstandings and no one will be able to blame us later.

A polyamorous relationship is one that we're likely to feel happier about.

Initially, it is thought that in a monogamous relationship, infidelity occurs only if one There is dissatisfaction in the relationship,and that we have a polyamorous relationship because we were dissatisfied with the first partnership.

This idea was refuted in a study by the University of Georgia psychologist Melissa Mitchell. Mitchel interviewed 1,093 people who were in polyamorous relationships and concluded that finding a second person was not related to dissatisfaction with the original relationship, as intimacy and satisfaction with the first partner increased over time.

What are the basic problems in a polyamorous relationship?

  • Jealousy. Jealousy is inevitable until we learn to talk and address the things that are bothering us. We may be bothered by watching two other people kiss, but if we don't say anything, the problem can never be resolved. It is human to feel jealousy, but we have to learn to deal with it and recognize its origin.
  • The comparison. Often we tend to compare ourselves to others in terms of beauty, intelligence, etc. But that is absurd. What we like about each person is unique. A love relationship is different with every person.
  • The opportunity to have a family. Polyamory means that we can start a family and live with several people. But it is not a family in the traditional sense but a new, different and more open concept of family that can make us just as happy.
  • Breakups. Breaking up with a partner who was part of the polyamorous relationship is as tough as any other breakup can be. Just because we have relationships with more than one person doesn't mean that breaking up with one of them won't hurt us. If we love the person for what they are, it will hurt us to lose them regardless of whether we have a monogamous or polyamorous relationship.
  • The acceptance of others. One problem that can arise in determining our type of relationship is explaining to everyone else how we want the relationship to be. If we know someone and we want to have a polyamorous relationship, we need this concept first explain and make it clear what it means.

We will also have difficulty trying to get those around us (friends and family) to understand our idea of ​​relationships. Definitely can't we always expect the acceptance of others, because sometimes it's impossible.

How can a person who has been married to the same person for 30 years understand that we want to have a polyamorous relationship? She cannot understand it, but she can respect it.

In reality, polyamory consists in loving multiple people without cheating on anyone.

And you, how would you feel if someone suggested a polyamorous relationship?