Why don't I want a relationship
He doesn't want a relationship: about the possible reasons and what you can do
When you've met someone who somehow never answers on their own initiative and asks for a date, then you don't feel respected.
Why does he never ask? Why does everything always come from me? If the contact feels like a nasty one-way street, there can be many reasons. And before you rack your brains any more, put the crown aside and talk to yourself Tacheless.
The fact is: He doesn't come ridden wildly on some nag to take you by storm. Apparently he has reasons to act so cautiously. Fact two: you are worth your feelings being treated fairly.
So the only solution: Don't go on like this forever and feel bad, but investigate the reasons and then decide which way to go. Because you can go on like this forever, but you can also make yourself unhappy in other ways.
Possible reasons why he doesn't want a relationship
There are a number of reasons: If he is dating and likes you, but somehow you get stuck because he steps on the brakes. Or at least not yet discovered the gas for itself. Some of these reasons are not very charming, others are serious and a real problem for him that you should address together.
Here are the classic reasons for not wanting a relationship:
1. He suffers from fear of attachment
More women and men than you might think suffer from fear of attachment. And you can't just ignore them if you want to be close to these people yourself. If this fear is not really tangible and justified, you can try to approach each other in an open conversation.
What does relationship mean to him and what does it mean to you? What part of a close bond is he afraid of? And what does he fear? Maybe you can take away his fears that way.
If there is a deep fear of attachment, you cannot avoid professional psychological help. Whereby you have to say: Therapy is really nothing bad. It should no longer be a taboo to accept professional help not only with physical but also mental problems.
-> You can find more about fear of attachment here:Hello, fear of commitment! Why it is so difficult for us to allow love
Also interesting:Take the test: am I unable to relate?
2. He is not sure of his feelings
Unfortunately, the modern way of dating has left its mark with all the non-real contacts. If we meet someone in person, we can read them much better than when we chat with them or like each other's pictures on social media channels. It's like this from behind through the knee.
In addition, online dating with its thousands of possibilities has led to many people being confused, no longer trusting their own feelings and unsure whether this is the right one or whether they should keep looking. Maybe that's how your counterpart feels. He's not sure about you or he can't imagine anything solid because he's not really in love.
Maybe your dating partner is also waiting - sorry for the clear words - for something better and is also dating other women at the same time. That, too, is just the way it is and shouldn't bother you. It's not up to you and has nothing to do with your inadequacy. It is simply because it does not fit with HIM. Therefore, in this case, believe all the grandmothers in the world: Other mothers also have great sons.
3. He is not yet ready for a (new) relationship
Which, unfortunately, is often the case: You meet someone and everything would be great, the chemistry is right, the attraction and everything, but he is simply afraid of being disappointed and hurt again. Be it because he has not yet processed his last relationship and is still attached to his last girlfriend or his last partner. Or that he is still so through from the last partnership that he simply does not want to enter into a new relationship at the moment because he is not ready yet.
And yes, there may be many people who use just that as a lazy excuse. "I am not ready yet". But there are certainly a lot of people who honestly mean exactly that. In that case, you should agree to wait for the right time together and stay in contact. Even if waiting naturally carries the risk of losing sight of one another. But you won't bend over someone who is not yet ready anyway.
Also read:It's complicated: Why the relationship status cannot always be clearly defined
4. He just wants sex / friendship plus
Of course, that is often the case too: that one person wants more, i.e. a stable partnership, while the other simply enjoys being single. Be it that he likes you very much, but rather wants a friendship plus, i.e. good buddies and going to bed together from time to time, or that he doesn't value you as a person, but finds you sexually attractive and only has sex with you want.
Anyway: Here it is up to you to consider whether this suits you and you will be happy with it. Maybe you just want something non-committal or pure sex. However, if you have real feelings for the other, you will only get one thing in the long run: extremely unhappy. We'll surely find someone better, won't we?
Also read: Friends, mingle or more? When are you actually together?
5. He makes himself scarce to bait you
Make yourself scarce, be a star. Unfortunately, it's an open secret that there are still a hell of a lot of people who use this tactic.
Just think of the rule that after a date you shouldn't write directly what you feel, just to avoid appearing needy and to remain the one who needs to be conquered. So if you keep contacting him and have the feeling that hardly anything is coming from his side, then that may also be the reason.
Eliminating yourself in this way may work at the beginning of the meeting. After that, the whole thing doesn't make much sense if you want something tight. So the confusion is great and you think: He's not interested.
You can read more about this here: Making Yourself Scarce: Why Does This Dating Tactic Keep Working?
And also: Third date: you can forget about THESE dating rules!
He doesn't want a relationship? This is the best way to behave
Whatever the reason he is putting you off, doesn't want a relationship at the moment, or doesn't clearly reciprocate your feelings: You can't avoid an open conversation. Which brings us to the tips on how to behave now.
He doesn't want a relationship: 1. Talk Tacheless
Everyone deserves a chance in life. And if you like him or her, anyway. Therefore: You are dissatisfied with the situation. You are not doing well with it. You ask yourself: will it be different in the near future? You tell him these three things openly. Then he can explain his motives to you. In this way you at least give him the chance to explain his behavior, because maybe he has very good reasons.
Just be careful not to let him fool you. He might like you, but he doesn't want to anymore and so he tells you the story "I'm not ready after my last breakup". It's really amazing how many traumatized single men are walking around outside who "can't yet again" when it comes to something serious. But they can very well screw around again.
So put it to the test and believe your gut feeling when it warns you that it is only telling you a lie in order to be able to remain non-binding. If the conversation didn't lead to anything, or if you notice that he just doesn't want to commit, we come to point 2.
Also read:Nasty delay technique: breadcrumbing is the name of the new scam in dating
Video: 10 things that will make you instantly recognize men in loveVideo by Sarah Glaubach
He doesn't want a relationship: 2. Take your heart and run!
Take care of yourself. That sounds natural, but in love we usually absolutely don't. Rather, we run into the open knife, with seeing eyes, so to speak. Although we know very well that the other person, for whatever reason, doesn't want a relationship and you don't become a couple, we continue to hold on to them.
If he doesn't want a relationship, that's a fact and no one will be able to persuade, convince, force or outsmart him if he doesn't want to. And anyway: do you want to have to convince someone of you? Don't you want him to want you with open arms, just as you want him? So: keep your distance and make sure that it doesn't hurt you more than it already does.
Also read:The best of both worlds? Relationship status "Mingle" & what's behind it
He doesn't want a relationship: 3. Stand firm
Ask yourself quite openly: Do you want a steady relationship or do you want to continue delaying tactics and games or even just an exchangeable number or a friendship plus? Do you want something solid? Well, then you are unfortunately in the wrong place at the wrong time and should take your precious heart in your hand, then the doorknob and leave. Because you won't be happy here at the moment.
So keep your distance, tell him clearly why you are acting like this and then stand firm. Hit yourself when you want to contact him and when you're drunk, remember: NO messages. Also not: Hello. All good or something. Nothing. Otherwise he won't understand.
He must clearly recognize: the delaying tactic does not work with this woman. If he wants more, if he sees you as the woman by his side, then he has to take action now and rethink or it will stay the way it is.
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