Why do people overlap with relationships

Psychology: These three points determine a happy relationship

Science can be romantic too. A psychologist now names three elementary points that determine whether a relationship is lasting and happy

“The chemistry just fits”. You often hear this sentence in lovers. But what did that actually mean: the chemistry between two people? Science has now devoted itself to this question and names three elementary points that determine whether an interpersonal relationship is permanent and happy or not. The psychologist and couples therapist Peter Pearson of the Couples Institute in California has accompanied couples and their relationships for years. He now came to the conclusion that the chemistry between two people fits when they are similar in the following three points.

Pearson based his theory on the so-called transaction analysis, which the Canadian psychologist Eric Berne developed as early as the middle of the twentieth century. This analysis deals with the three ego states. Berne defined this at the time as follows:

  • The parents: What you were taught.
  • The child: What you feel.
  • The adult: What you learned

The ego states related to couples

Pearson has supplemented each of these states with fundamental questions by which the compatibility of two people can be measured more easily.

  • The parents: Do you and your partner share the same values ​​and beliefs?
  • The child: Are you having fun together? Are you equally spontaneous? Do you find your partner attractive? Do you like doing something together?
  • The adult: Do you think each other is intelligent? Can you analyze and solve problems together? Do you have the same goals?

In the rarest of cases, couples are 100 percent compatible on all three points, but the more overlap, the higher the chance of being happy with each other for a long time. However, Pearson believes that a fourth factor also plays a significant role: feeling. Because even if many of the above questions could be resolved unanimously, it is much more the feeling that occurs when the other is there that decides whether a relationship can work, Pearson recently told Business Insider.

The four phases of lovesickness in the video:

A self-test for couples

To be clearer about this fourth factor, Pearson recommends a little test: If you live together and your partner is away for a few days and you suddenly see something that is important to the other lying around in the apartment. How do you feel? Are you rather annoyed because you have to pick it up and put it away, or do these things remind you of nice moments together?