What does the Koran say about hypergamy?

There is a global community of men who have come together on the Internet and define themselves through their inability to develop sexual relationships: the "Incels". The collectively felt dissatisfaction is projected onto women and society, hatred develops, which builds up in mutual exchange. Several violent crimes have grown out of this in the real world. Look at a strange subculture.

"Incels" - this term also haunted German reporting after the attack in Halle. He first appeared in the public eye in 2014 when a 22-year-old shot six people and then himself in the small town of Isla Vista, California. "I will slaughter every single one of these spoiled, snooty, blonde sluts," he announced his act in a video. His goal was, among other things, the house of a fraternity with the girls "hottest" in his eyes, but nobody opened the door to him, which is why he shot two women and a man at random. Before that, he had stabbed his two roommates and one of their friends. Originally, he had also intended to kill his little brother so that he would not have a more fulfilling life than him. The shooter then shot himself and left a manifesto in which he meticulously describes everything in his life that he remembers on 137 pages.

The "Ur-Incel"

He describes a completely normal young life that had everything and was extremely spoiled, and only had to cope with things that everyone is confronted with in their youth: want to belong to the "cool kids", to try to get the girls' attention to pull. The natural process of growing up was a challenge for the Isla Vista assassin that could not be mastered: He did not get the attention he thought appropriate and became more and more inhibited, and, according to his own admission, acted deliberately strangely in order to be noticed at all. As a result, he became a victim of bullying and crept more and more into the virtual world and longed to go back to his childhood. For the egocentric, his divorced parents were merely suppliers of status symbols. He repeatedly urged his mother to remarry to a rich man who could offer him the life he thought he deserved. He calls it selfish that she refused to do this.

He describes the first nude pictures of women he saw as "traumatizing", "finding out what sex was is one of the things that have truly destroyed my whole life". He stylizes himself as a victim of an unjust world that has withheld sex and love from him. For this he wanted to "take revenge on humanity", on everyone who committed the "crime" of living an allegedly better life than himself. He blames women above all, who are not for him, the "perfect guy." ", the" top gentleman "interested, but for the common bullies. "Something is really going wrong spiritually with women," he says, having determined that they were sexually attracted to the wrong type of man. "I am one of the few people in this world who are intelligent enough to recognize this." "If I can't have you girls, I'll destroy you," he says in his farewell video, and then he laughs.

His image of himself paired with his experiences in reality seem to have resulted in a deadly mixture of hurt narcissistic pride and extreme sensitivity at the same time, one could best describe him as an arrogant mimosa or as an arrogant outsider who is to blame for his dissatisfaction and seeks loneliness exclusively in his environment ("There was nothing that I could really have changed about my unfair life situation"), which he feels at the same time vastly superior ("I am like a god and it is my destiny, to all the impurities that I see in the world to take final retribution. "). Out of a complete passivity he rejected everything and everyone (either the other person had nothing to offer him or made him jealous), ecstatically got into trifles and temporary ideas (such as playing the lottery) and resented the world profoundly that Wealth, friends, a full life and especially sex with beautiful women did not fall from the sky on their own.

The power of unwanted social isolation

Eventually his passive attitude turned into an active one, grief and self-pity turned into anger and hate - and megalomania: "I have to be destined for something bigger. I have to be destined to change the world, to bring it into a form that fits me!" His plan: sex must be abolished and relationships prohibited. What he couldn't have himself he wanted to take away from everyone else. He became so obsessed with his desire for a girlfriend that he had nowhere to get a foothold in life, dropping college courses in no time when she attended a beautiful girl who was taken or girls even dared "hang out with other guys to converse instead of with [him] ". This obsession turned into misogyny ("[Women] are (...) wild animals. Wild animals should not have any rights in a civilized society. (...) Women are like a plague that has to be quarantined.").

Racism mixed in: he felt it was a "great insult to his dignity" when an "inferior" African American or Mexican goes on a date with a blonde woman. He began to "hit back" by pouring drinks on couples and berating people he disliked - and he managed to loathe everyone for something and make him an enemy. He wanted to "wage war against all women and the men to whom they are drawn", because rejection by women is a "declaration of war". His fantasies of violence and punishment eventually turned into real ones after he "gave the female sex one last chance to provide [him] with the pleasures" he deserved.

The gunman from Isla Vista became the hero of an entire community of offended individuals who formed their own extensive Internet subculture: the "Incels". A copycat drove a minibus to a group of people in Toronto in 2018 and explicitly referred to the assassin four years earlier. "Incel" stands for "involuntarily celibate", in English "involuntarily celibate". They're frustrated singles who don't get a chance. They have no relationship and no sex, and some no longer want that at all because they have been so disappointed by women that they no longer want to have anything to do with them. Her view of the world focuses on this lack of sex, combined with the rejection of women.

It is a world made up of self-humiliation. You confirm each other in forums, chat rooms and gaming communities - the so-called "Manosphere", an artificial word from the English "man" and "atmosphere" - wallowing in how poor and ugly you are Self-pity while further isolating yourself from the outside world. An environment where misogyny and sexism flourish. It is not productive mutual counseling aimed at change, because the sexually unsatisfied have made themselves comfortable in their victim role. Instead, they tailor an explanation of the world that cements their own situation as inevitable and absolves them of any personal responsibility. At the same time, there is an assumption that the world owes them something for the setbacks they have experienced in life, especially sex.

"Chad", "Stacy" and the "Blackpill" theory

As in other communities, there are inside terms that outsiders do not immediately understand. There are, for example, the male and female prototypes: "Chad" and "Stacy", which are represented in different memes and which each embody everything that they are not and what they cannot have. "Chad" has symmetrical, angular facial features, an upright stature, looks everyone straight in the eye, is insensitive and inconsiderate, always asserts himself. An alpha male as you imagine it to be. On the other hand, you yourself have an unsportsmanlike figure, are inhibited, plagued by fears and compulsions of all kinds, are even overwhelmed with finding your own walking pace, dissatisfied with yourself and your body.

"Stacy" has huge breasts, wears tons of makeup, and has never worked in her life. But she has slept with over a hundred men (they call it "hypergamy"). She just likes the alpha guy who has a huge, uncircumcised penis, lasts 50 minutes, and gags her while he does it. Then he throws her out, he sleeps alone on purpose - in contrast to the Incels, who do that involuntarily. With these role models they create an "ideal type" of sex, which appears at best in porn and devalues ​​it as a violent and in any case not desirable act.

By degrading themselves while apologizing that they wouldn't stand a chance anyway because they weren't "Chad", they craft an idiosyncratic explanation that blames others for their own failures, first and foremost women. This is laid down in the so-called "Blackpill" theory, which you can read in the "Incel-Wiki": Women choose their partner based on looks and good genes, not because of their personality. Those who do not meet their standards would, in the opinion of the sexually frustrated, ignore women or deliberately demean them for their visual inadequacies. For representatives of the common sex they have developed a dehumanizing battle term: "Femoid", short for "female humanoid", that is to say something like "female human-like being".

The self-hatred that involuntarily celibates feel is projected onto their constructed role models. They pick out individual facts that underpin their theses, for example that women - like men, by the way - find symmetrical facial features beautiful and attractive. From this they tinker with the excuse that all those who do not meet the optical requirements of an alpha male have no chance anyway, because women do not want "betas", as they call themselves. But it's not that simple. Particularly in long-term relationships, character traits aside from visual features play an important role. Incidentally, this excuse is out of the question for the original Incel from Isla Vista: He was an extremely handsome young man, so it couldn't have been that. A paradox that applies to many Incels: the self-perceived and mutually confirmed ugliness is often objectively incomprehensible. You make yourself worse than you are to have an excuse for failure.

Conspiracy ideologies and the enemy image of feminism

But there is another level that relieves them of responsibility: social progress is to blame, feminism. Another "female prototype" embodies him: the "Becky". She is a feminist, educates herself and works in a low-paying job. She prefers a natural look, looks average, and tries to distract from her small breasts with loose clothing. But according to the Incels, she also wants sex with "Chad". Feminism has ruined modern society, according to the theory. One could understand this rejection as a reaction to the feminist enemy image of the "old white man". The sexless are also annoyed by apparently exaggerated political correctness, by the fact that men reject sexual advances and that men are confronted with accusations of sexism even with minor issues.

Conspiracy ideologies and anti-Semitism seem to fall on fertile ground in these petri dishes of discontent, as the German assassin von Halle illustrated: The fact that self-employed women do not want to have so many children or no children at all, he led back to the fantasy of the "great exchange" and took the view that Jewish high finance had designed feminism in order to bring about a "white genocide". Western women are more interested in changing sexual partners than in monogamy and starting a family, is a conviction of involuntarily celibate people, and therefore they missed out. The men with insufficient self-confidence feel threatened by self-determined women and supposed immigrant male competitors who make the search for a (sexual) partner, which is already problematic for them, even more difficult in their eyes. There is a lot of overlap with the vocabulary and views of the "Alt-Right" movement. It is not for nothing that misogyny is repeatedly referred to as the "gateway drug" for right-wing ideologies.

For fear of not being able to assert oneself against women striving for equality, one longs for the old role models, for the "good old days" when women were under control: in the past or still today in traditional or religious societies , marriages were and are arranged, men and women assigned to each other. The men did not have to and do not have to make an effort, not to win a woman for themselves. At the same time they were or are in a position of supremacy that binds women to them. Often women were or are completely dependent on the man, so they cannot leave him at all, even if they want to. He (had) power over her. The original Incel from Isla Vista also longed to go back to these times: "Women should not have the right to choose who to mate with. The decision should be made for them by civilized, intelligent men," he says Manifest. A view that is also part of the "Blackpill" theory mentioned earlier.

Toxic humor

Advocacy of socially ostracized behaviors such as mass murder and rape is flourishing on the incel forums. After the Toronto attack, there were users who celebrated the perpetrator as an "incel martyr". The inhibition threshold for violence is lowered by sometimes sick humor, in which it is not always clear what is still "fun" and what is serious. So it can happen that when a desperate sexually dissatisfied person announces his suicide, he is encouraged by other fellow sufferers to turn it into an extended suicide and "take" other people: "Don't be selfish. Go to a primary school and kill a few children, before you kill yourself. Please!?! ", quotes the BBC such a comment.

The glorification of violence, mutual radicalization and cultivated hatred are the reasons why the Incels are less likely to be found on popular social networks such as Facebook or Twitter. Many of their groups and posts would be deleted there. So it ended up in more anonymous and completely uncontrolled areas of the Internet. What is disturbing to outsiders, the sexless, who in their loneliness are often completely absorbed in the virtual community, have long since got used to it.

Of course, you cannot put all people who are involuntarily celibate under general suspicion. As in other areas of society, one cannot generalize here either. Nevertheless, incel forums continue to become breeding grounds for potentially dangerous activities, which is why their refuges are now being deleted again and again. Then they gather in a new digital place. The problem itself has to be solved in another way.