What are some of the reasons people are single

Why men are singles

According to an evolutionary psychologist, the mating process has changed, men are supposed to be stuck, they cannot flirt or are insecure

Loneliness is an epidemic, said the British Campaign to End Loneliness recently. Older people are increasingly at risk for chronic loneliness. And chronic loneliness, scientists have claimed, increases the risk of premature death. According to a study, loneliness is growing rapidly in the USA, 35 percent of Americans are lonely, but here younger people are said to suffer more from loneliness than older people. According to a survey, more and more Americans say they are lonely (loneliness is said to be rampant in the USA).

Other statistics also seem to support the trend. According to the UK Statistics Bureau, 34.5 percent of adults in Great Britain were single and had never lived with a partner or were married. According to a Gallup survey also in 2015, 64 percent of 18-29-year-old Americans lived as single and were never married, which is, however, less informative (see also: Young Americans: more liberal, but less sex). It is reported from Japan and South Korea that more and more people are living asexually (sex is hardship). And everywhere in the industrialized countries, the number of people who live as singles is growing - and often also have no partner. And of course, singles can live happily and sexually, while people don't have to be unhappy and lonely if they live asexually.

The Cypriot evolutionary psychologist Menelaos Apostolou, who has just published his study in the journal Evolutionary Psychological Science, says that so far it is not really theoretically or empirically known why people remain alone, although the evolutionary imperative is geared towards sexuality and the generation of offspring . He wants to have found out that many singles cannot flirt properly and therefore involuntarily remain alone (see also: Many singles are no longer looking for a partner). But since you cannot assume that all people who have a child with a partner that they were good at flirting, this would not be a reason either.

What is clear, however, is that the mating process has changed significantly in the last few centuries, which is why certain behaviors no longer work. A high potential for aggression could once have made men good fighters, but now bad partners. Or, ejaculating quickly could have reduced the chances of attack but now be a hindrance to providing sexual satisfaction to partners. It is possible that the mating process was also made easier in earlier times because parents played a major role in the selection process and knowledge of flirting was less important.

According to him, there are essentially three reasons why people do not take part in the mating process: First of all, they can increase their fitness and resources in order to attract partners later, they can have difficulties, for example when they cannot flirt properly, or they have limitations, for example in their health Art. That was also the result of a survey he made, where three main groups could be formed for 47 reasons. In the freedom of choice group, people stay single in order to enjoy more freedom, change partners, and pursue other priorities such as careers. In the group with difficulties with relationships, there are problems with starting and maintaining relationships such as a lack of flirting skills or a lack of trust. The group with the barriers has sexual or health problems or children from previous partners who lead to being single.

"Guys, why are you single?"

In order to qualitatively investigate the question of why men remain single (crisis among young men), Apostolou evaluated a Reddit threat that started with the anonymous question: "Guys, why are you single?" and to which more than 20,000 responses were received, of which over 13,000 were included in the research. In a multi-stage process, the answers were selected and classified as meaningful. From the more than 6000 answers, 43 categories resulted.

The most common reason given was one's own unattractive appearance ("Cause I am ugly as fuck and have been cursed with awful genetics"), which also includes being too fat or too small. After low self-esteem, in third place is that you have not made any further effort, and in fourth place is that you are not interested in relationships ("I like my freedom and privacy"). Then a lack of flirtation skills, introversion, bad experiences and no available women were mentioned.

Apostolou comes back to his subject that many men cannot or have not learned to flirt. This would include responses such as shyness, lack of trust, fear of rejection, and inability to recognize clues. The evolutionary psychologist also attributes the statement that he did not put a lot of energy into it or that he was too picky about the fact that in the past, i.e. in pre-industrial times, it was not necessary for men to recruit women because their parents would have chosen them. So you didn't have to flirt or make an effort, and that somehow survived and is now causing problems. Ultimately, this also applies to the argument that you don't look good, which only plays a role when the parents no longer determine the marriage, but instead there is free sexual selection.

Single men often lack the ability to flirt because, in the pre-industrial context, selection constraints on mechanisms that determine mating efforts and picky behavior were weak. Such skills are necessary today because in post-industrial societies the choice of partner is not regulated or forced, but people have to find their partners themselves.

Menelaus Apostolou

You may or may not find that convincing. However, the author also sees the tendency that men want to remain single, at least for the time being, if they have the opportunity to have sex with different women relatively easily, or if they pursue their careers in order to increase their own attractiveness through high income, good education, a good job and high social status, which pushes the pairing backwards.

For most men, however, being single is rated negatively. However, there would be a lack of data that would show whether men or women are singles because they want to be, or because they have difficulty finding a partner. When evaluating the answers, however, no reasons were found that the men wanted to stay single forever, only why they were temporarily. Demographic backgrounds are also unknown and the answers from single women are missing, and more IT-savvy men may be on Reddit who may have more problems or a stronger tendency to stay alone. (Florian Rötzer)

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