Why don't I feel happy?

10 reasons why you are not happy

Again and again we let ourselves be on our way to luck slow down. The reasons for our inner brakes have more to do with ourselves than we are sometimes aware of.

Maybe you know the feeling: "Everyone else is happy, only I somehow can't be satisfied with what I have." Or maybe you've wanted to change something in your life for a long time, but you just can't get around to it? Don't look at or devalue yourself for all the missed opportunities: instead, learn from them and just do it differently next time.

And to learn from it, first make yourself aware of what is actually holding you back. I have put together the ten most common reasons for you. Maybe you recognize yourself and your blockages for one reason or another. Or the list inspires you to create clarity, to release your inner brakes and to steer full throttle towards your happiness ...

Be happy

Perhaps some people find it easier in life than others, or they just have an easier starting position. However, this is not a guarantee of lasting happiness. Have a look around in your environment. How many people do you know who respond to the question: “How are you? “Respond with a smile and tell you how happy and satisfied they are with their life. It is probably more of a minority. Instead, we often get a whole bucket of suffering showered on us - and it doesn't matter what circumstances the person grew up in. Maybe you catch yourself doing it too? Be happy about it, because you can do it differently next time. So here are the most common internal brakes, let's go:

10 reasons that are holding you back from happiness

/ Feelings of guilt
Often times we feel guilty when we take time for ourselves. Therefore we often do without it, although it would be good for us and give us strength. But we are in a bind. Because we feel responsible for our family, our partner or friends and we take care of their needs in a self-sacrificing way. In doing so, however, we often neglect our own. It works fine for a while, but at some point there is dissatisfaction. Especially when our own power reserves are empty and we don't replenish them regularly.

/ Own appreciation
Are you worthy of being really happy and living your dreams? Do you allow yourself Perhaps right now you are hesitating to answer. It is a sign that you have an old belief that leads you to believe that you are not good enough or that you do not deserve to be happy. Almost every one of us has such a belief firmly anchored in us. The nasty: it slows us down and drains us a lot of energy. But often we are not even aware of this belief, because most of the time we run through life on autopilot. Observe yourself for a few days and watch out for any negative thoughts you may be having about yourself.

/ Fear of the unknown
If we keep thinking the same thoughts over and over again, this leads to the same decisions in our life. And the same decisions over and over again lead to the same behaviors and thus also to the same experiences. In this way, the same feelings are always generated and, conversely, the same thoughts over and over again. You notice: the cycle is perfect. Of course, it is comfortable to stay in this comfort zone, but you will not make any progress in the medium term unless you bravely face new challenges in life.

/ Dependency
We strive for recognition in everything we do. In a healthy measure and as the icing on the cake, there is nothing wrong with it. However, if we only derive our self-esteem from outside recognition, we make our happiness dependent on it. Then we adapt and vie for attention. We compare ourselves with others - and often do worse. But outside recognition is like a drug: we need more and more of it. The problem: We lose the connection to ourselves and our intuition and instead depend on the opinion of others.

/ Lack of focus
Would you like to change something, but don't have the time? Do you admire the people who are so disciplined? Do you know what makes these people different from you? They know their "why". You have a clear focus and a clear goal in mind that is bigger than you are. And ideally, giving something back to the world and serving people. If you haven't clearly defined your goal, you lack a clear focus. Your thoughts don't have a clear direction. So there is a high risk that you get bogged down and constantly have the feeling that you have not achieved anything. If you know your “why” instead, you can endure every “how”. If you then also focus on the positive and small mini-successes, nothing stands in the way of your happiness.

/ Fear of making mistakes
We often feel slowed down because we don't want to make mistakes. The problem: we are treading on the spot and not developing any further. But new experiences are what make us grow and mature as humans. Instead, we bypass these new experiences and stay seated in our comfort zone. Because this is where we know our way around and feel most comfortable. We also often interpret an error as a failure and thus devalue ourselves. Instead, let us learn from our mistakes, do not make them twice, but keep developing and not treading on the spot.

/ Lonliness
Spending time with yourself without getting bored and feeling good about yourself makes you immensely free. Often, however, we don't last long. The fear of the feelings that often haunt us and create a bad mood is far too great. But it is precisely these feelings that want to be felt and released so that healing can take place. Because they pull you back again and again like a rubber band and slow you down. The silence is a great gift, because your heart can only speak to you in silence. “That's why you should be alone more often” and “Why silence is your key to you”.

/ Loss of control
When we move around in the familiar environment, we have the strings in hand: We are the rider and life is our horse. Reversing roles scares us. We want an exact plan and often find it strange not to have a single appointment for a whole weekend. Often we not only control our own life, but also that of our loved ones: We then help plan for them right away. Surrendering to life has a lot to do with trust. And if we let go of the threads, life has a chance to unfold. This often results in new situations that we would never have planned, but that enrich us or allow us to gain new experiences.

/ Fear of your own size
Are you afraid to step out of your shadow and stand up for yourself and your wishes? It sounds strange, but we are often much more afraid to recognize our own greatness and to live as well than to keep ourselves small. Going your way authentically also means becoming visible, swimming against the current and sometimes saying no. But that often feels unfamiliar and creates uncertainty and fear. Also of being able to lose people. But a no to others can also be a yes to yourself.

/ Possession
How often do we tell ourselves the story that we have to own or deserve this or that before we can be happy. We then identify with our account balance or possessions and don't even notice it. This is how we create a deceptive self-image based on an illusion. To realize that our happiness does not depend on a few bills and that we are not our things is immensely liberating. If we also break down our goal into many small stages, we can take these intermediate steps step by step. We don't have to let go of everything at once to swim to new shores. We can just as easily swap or supplement our old life piece by piece for a new path.


You notice: there are enough brakes on the way to your own happiness. But once you've unmasked them, you can replace them with new thoughts or behaviors and thus increase your satisfaction. Find out how to be happy here: My personal recipe against inner emptiness and 20 questions that nobody will ask you. Further inspirations: Live your potential - 7 principles that will help you or The law of attraction: Order your happiness.

How about you: Do you sometimes slow yourself down? On a scale from 1-10, where is your satisfaction level? If you feel like it, feel free to share your thoughts on the topic in the comments.

Graphics: Stefanie Adam