Narcissist knows they love to bomb

relationship - More tyranny than love

Love has many facets! But can one even speak of love in love bombing? Anyone who gets into a so-called love bomber will only be bombarded with love for the very foreseeable future. Love bombing describes a relationship phenomenon in which one is showered with love or punished severely. It all depends on how well you submit to the will of your love bomber. And here we are not talking about harmless role-playing games. Rather, it's about power and self-appreciation. Both are often only revealed when the heart of the love bomber is already lost!

"At first I really felt so great as never before," says Sandra looking back. “Milo made me feel like the most beautiful and desirable woman in the whole world. I didn't know that at all. ”Your relationship with Milo was two years ago. You can feel how relieved Sandra is today that she is no longer in contact with Milo. Because what originally started with a bombardment of compliments, gifts and attention resulted in total control.

Emotional coldness as punishment

Sandra can still clearly see how the pink clouds fizzled out in one fell swoop. After weeks in which the world stood still from falling in love, she wanted to do something with her friends again - alone. Milo was so angry that Sandra canceled the appointment without further ado: “I still thought he was having a bad day and I didn't want to ruin our happiness. But suddenly something was different. ”Milo became more and more dominant. Sandra was no longer allowed to do anything alone. He also constantly wanted to force how Sandra should think and feel. If she disagreed, Sandra was punished with mean comments and emotional coldness. If she gave in, Milo gave love and praise as a reward.

“Basically, it is about a person who revolves around himself a lot and appropriates another. So he wants to upgrade himself and feel better. It is a narcissistic phenomenon that is extended to another person, ”says psychologist André Kellner, describing the motivation. At first he bombards the object of his desire with love, but then he also wants something in return, he warns: “Namely, that the other does beautifully what you like. It has nothing to do with a real interest in the other. ”Everything basically revolves around the Love Bomber. And the partner is important as long as he or she remains docile. According to the psychologist, the gain of the narcissistic lover lies in enhancing himself through the partner: “Counter-words are completely unacceptable. What's more, they threaten your own self-image. Because this only consists of self-importance. "

It's always the other's fault

All alarm bells should ring immediately when the beginning of a relationship is almost too good to be true, warns couple counselor Eric Hegmann: “With love bombing, deep abysses are hidden under all the positive energy. Often the relationship history, in which previous relationships hardly lasted long, is one of them. Statements about ex-partners that sound downright vicious and mean give an impression of how the person will probably talk about you as soon as the euphoria is over. "

Because it's always the other's fault. The more pronounced the narcissistic behavior, the more drastic for psychologist André Kellner the lack of the love bomber to perceive himself realistically: “It becomes dangerous when physical and psychological limits are no longer adhered to. When psychological terror prevents social contacts. If someone no longer has any insight into their own dynamics, it borders on the pathological. ”Love bombers only ask themselves whether someone is for or against them. If someone is against them, he will be cut down.

People with little confidence are vulnerable

According to experts, anyone can go online with a love bomber. Because nobody is immune from vanity. And when you are showered with emotional and physical affection, for many it feels great at first. However, couple counselor Eric Hegmann considers people who are looking for a particularly strong and self-confident partner to be more susceptible. That is also a question of self-esteem, says psychologist André Kellner. “There is a point at which people with stable self-esteem realize that it is becoming too much for them. And then mostly it tips over. The love bomber becomes abusive, violent, and sometimes violent. At this point, people with stable self-confidence find it easier to break away from such a relationship than someone who is very dependent on encouragement. ”In addition, people with little self-confidence are very susceptible to reproaches and feelings of guilt - which they tend to think of the unhealthy Tie relationship with the love bomber. The bomber often looks for the key-hole principle, instinctively for his partner.

But what to do when you're in a relationship with a love bomber? The important thing is to be aware of how much you are giving up on yourself when you are in such a relationship. Even Sandra had to admit that painfully. And she internalized with the help of a therapist that love never has anything to do with emotional manipulation. In fact, there is only one healthy way to go in such a situation: to get out of this relationship as quickly as possible.

Love bombing and narcissism

Love bombers are primarily about themselves: they are about their interests and about improving their own self-esteem with their partner. It's a narcissistic phenomenon. Diseased narcissists suffer from low self-esteem, a pronounced sensitivity to criticism and fear of failure. The term narcissism is often associated with self-love and a great need for recognition. The name "Narcissism" goes back to a figure from Greek mythology: Narcissus, the son of the gods. He has always been infatuated with himself, but when a disdained lover killed himself for him, the gods punished Narcissus with an unattainable self-love. He fell in love with his own reflection in the water. Myths differ about his death - they all have in common that Narcissus perished because of his unfulfilled self-love and instead of a corpse, he was left with a narcissus.

By Andrea Mayer-Halm