Are INFJ narcissistic people

Psychology: You can hardly protect yourself from narcissists

Narcissus was a very vain young man. He spurned the love of the nymph Echo because it supposedly did not do justice to his beauty. The goddess of love Aphrodite punished him for this with an insatiable self-love.

This myth from ancient Greece shaped the modern notion of narcissism as exaggerated and therefore not exactly sympathetic self-love. The ancient Greeks thought that a little bit of it was quite good, and Sigmund Freud also said that narcissism was a healthy mechanism for self-preservation.

A healthy dose of self-love can undoubtedly make life easier and make loving others possible in the first place. But excessive arrogance is not good. Narcissistic people think of themselves as unique, overestimate each other, and have a great need for admiration. Due to their grandiose self-image, they are very sensitive to criticism and can have strong mood swings if something happens that shakes their world. That's what Richard Gramzow of George Mason University in Washington found out when confronting narcissists with criticism. They got very angry and ashamed at the same time.

The myth of Narcissus ends with the one who has succumbed to his reflection, taking his life with a dagger out of the pain that his love cannot be fulfilled. The biography of modern narcissists is not that dramatic, because most of them do not even notice their distorted perception. They often clash with others, but often only after a while. Because narcissists are masters at making a good first impression. "When it comes to communication, narcissists have a strong strategy of self-expression," says Hans-Werner Bierhoff from the Ruhr University in Bochum. “They are very sociable and extremely successful in getting to know each other.” Amy Brunell of Ohio State University also found out that narcissists are popular in a study of over 400 students. In the study group discussions, students who were in love with themselves were the driving force in the conversations and were perceived by others as natural leaders.

So it is not surprising that many narcissists successfully climb the career ladder. The social psychologist Bierhoff says that this has to do with their communication skills and openness, but also with the assertiveness and great motivation of narcissists. “You are very performance-oriented and creative at work, but you often attribute the success of a team to yourself,” he explains. “That is the downside of narcissism: They annoy you. Because they constantly emphasize their superiority and exploit others for their own success. "

Not only colleagues, but also partners of narcissists notice that self-centeredness has its price. A relationship with such a self-promoter can be difficult. The University of Georgia psychologist Keith Campbell found in his study that narcissists do enter into relationships, but see them more playfully. In addition, they are more afraid of permanent ties and are unfaithful.

Hans-Werner Bierhoff found something else in his current study: In couples with a narcissist, the narcissist attributed the largest share of relationship work and assumed that the partner invested less warmth and affection in the relationship. In the case of couples without narcissists, on the other hand, the stated proportions of partners were balanced. In addition, narcissists find it difficult to put themselves in the shoes of others. In this way, they often lose sight of their partner's feelings.

Bierhoff emphasizes, however, that not all narcissists are in unhappy relationships. Often, narcissists look for partners who are a good match for them. These can be people who are insecure and want a partner who appears confident and whom they can look up to. "Such relationships can last a long time, even though they are unbalanced," he says.