How do narcissists treat their aging parents

Narcissistic Disorders: How to Break Free From High-handed Parents

Asserting yourself against your parents is difficult for some children. This becomes particularly tricky when the father or mother is very extensive. What can a child do when parents are circling around them? Or when they are so needy themselves that they demand recognition and confirmation from their own child.

Children are overwhelmed by this, but even in later years as adults, sons and daughters still feel the burden when a father or mother has a narcissistic personality disorder. The suffering then continues, says Nina W. Brown. The American professor and group psychotherapist describes the behavioral patterns of such disturbed parents in her non-fiction book "Children of Egocentric Parents". And it gives tips on how the adult children can then deal with this stressful imprint.

Narcissistic parents are always opinionated

If you don't just want to react to your dominant parents throughout your life, the only step is to find a new self-image. This is what the author aims at and first describes when a narcissistic disorder is present and how it affects a child.

Even then, narcissists only revolve around their own needs, even when they appear to be doing something for others in the family. They always think they know what is good for the child, how they dress, what friends they should have. Contradiction is overwhelmed with intolerant righteousness. Brown calls this extreme self-focus a destructive narcissistic pattern.

The person, describes Brown, "not only speaks loudly, but also a lot. He enters and leaves rooms noisily, dresses appropriately to attract attention, and gesticulates wildly."

Protect vs. control

Narcissists do not know how to protect the child as it would correspond to their mother or father role, but want to control and almost expect submission. A 40-year-old who describes herself as being drilled by her narcissistic mother describes her development as follows: "I have developed the most abstruse theories of self-punishment, dark thoughts that have made me doubt myself on top of that." The child is not seen as independent by the narcissist. This becomes clear at the latest in puberty, when the offspring radically disconnects and does not shy away from conflicts in the search for self-image.

Relearn independence

The manifestations of narcissism in the parental home can be very different and have a negative impact on children. Narcissistic parents can often be angry, constantly criticizing, or demanding, making the child feel like they are doing everything wrong. Although the parent is actually only demonstrating his or her superiority, regardless of the child's injuries. This is possible, says Nina Brown, because narcissists are emotionally stunted, without sufficient compassion and eye for the other and mostly fearful themselves.

Because the adult child can still feel the destructive effects, therapist Brown is interested in how those affected can improve their self-esteem and build intact relationships with other people. To this end, she submits specific tasks and instructions for action.

Uncover hidden behavior patterns

It is often the hidden patterns, says the professor from Virginia, that persist and cause emotional suffering. Because the parents are difficult to change, you have to start with yourself in order to throw off the burden and avoid bitterness.

Reduce contact under certain circumstances