Narcissists go to heaven
Narcissism and Sexuality: How Good is Self-Love in Bed?
Why sex with a narcissist can be heaven on earth
Can people who only love themselves be good lovers at all? Yes. In fact, narcissism and sexuality go very well together. After all, narcissists are constantly looking for confirmation of how amazing, interesting, unique they are. And also: how desirable, how attractive, how great in bed. That is why they are constantly on the hunt, they can be very fascinating entertainers and equally charming seducers.
Sex with them can be heaven on earth - at least for a one-night stand or at the beginning of a partnership. Because a narcissist wants to see proven what a great lover he is. Since he finds his own satisfaction only in the admiration of his counterpart, he often drives his partner to sexual ecstasy. Intoxicated by himself and his art of love, he performs at his best and plays all kinds of sexual tricks and gimmicks. The fascination that narcissists exert on other people when they get to know each other often continues during sex.
Why Sex With A Narcissist Can Be Hell
Where personal satisfaction depends only on the admiration of the other, the intimate togetherness quickly falls by the wayside. On the contrary: Sexuality often quickly becomes a routine to confirm what a great pike the narcissist is. The partner is then only a projection screen.
Your real feelings and needs do not matter, as a narcissist's personality disorder makes them unable to perceive them at all. In love with themselves, narcissists take for granted that sex with them is pure happiness for their partner in any case and every time and in any form. It is not uncommon for them to become increasingly dominant and reckless in bed, which can lead to sadism.
The inability to really engage with the other in bed fuels disinterest and boredom on both sides. The narcissist no longer finds the necessary confirmation from the partner. Their enthusiasm, in turn, decreases the less their own needs play a role.
But since a narcissist is pathologically convinced of himself and his infallibility, the blame for the unsatisfactory sex life must lie on the other side of the bed. Arguments and frustration then increase, and sex becomes a burden for narcissists' partners. The narcissist can experience erectile dysfunction and complete sexual withdrawal for fear of failure, which could bring down his self-image.
As a last resort, he is often left with masturbation. Here he retains full control and only has to consider the needs of the only person who interests him: himself.
Narcissism and sexuality are different in men and women
The dominant narcissistic lover is usually a man. He likes to keep the upper hand, rules over the woman in bed, uses her as a purely sexual object that is supposed to reflect his own greatness. Always new conquests or infidelities are a matter of course for him.
In women, narcissism manifests itself predominantly in being desired. This often leads to the fact that she refuses a man and finds satisfaction in his desires, for example by masturbating in front of him. A heightened form would be for him to watch while she has sex with others.
But since the narcissistic woman is also unable to really see and recognize the personality of her partner, he too often only plays the role of the pure sexual partner. Which in extreme cases, for example, should only beget a child and then disappear again.
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