Why can't everything be free and unconditional?
Unconditional love: feelings without expectations
We all want to love and be loved unconditionally just as we are. Without having to pretend. With all corners and edges. In this article you will find out how you can find this love.
What is unconditional love?
These Love is unconditional. It exists whether or not you meet your lover's expectations.
In other words: Your life partner brings you deep feelings. For your own sake. You don't need to be more attractive, leaner, more successful, younger or more athletic than you are.
He does not expect anything in return for his intense emotions. You can stay yourself. Without pretending to be. This makes you feel free, independent and happy.
Your sweetheart doesn't lock you up. He doesn't expect you to read secret desires from his eyes. Or that you meet his expectations. He talks to you about his desires.
And he accepts your answer to that. No matter how it turns out.
When you find this person, you have found your soul mate. Soul love is love that is unconditional.
Unconditional and needy love
The Opposite of unconditional love is needy or conditioned love. You probably already know this form from your own experience.
The affection of your companion is linked to certain ideas.
Your friend asks you (consciously or unconsciously) that you ...
- meet his expectations.
- paying attention to him.
- show him your affection.
- supports him in his projects.
- Do things with him.
If you don't meet his needs, he may doubt your feelings. If you do not meet his expectations (anymore), in the worst case scenario he will withdraw his love from you.
Maybe there will be an argument between you. In married couples who fall apart in an argument, the feelings of love often turn into hate.
At Love without conditions can't that happen.
9 tips: how to learn to love unconditionally
You may be wondering what you can do to finally find that kind of love. Or to stop locking your partner in with your expectations.
Two things are necessary for this:
- Free yourself from your previous relationship patterns.
- Work on your self-esteem.
The second point is particularly important: When you feel comfortable in your body, you radiate that. That is extremely attractive to other people.
Self-love is the basic requirement for being able to love someone else. If you succeed, you will no longer expect your partner to complete you as the missing piece of the puzzle.
Then you know who you are and what you want to achieve in life. As a result, you radiate calm and self-confidence and put the Foundation stone for love without expectations.
What else can you do:
1. Listen to your loved one
Having good conversations means listening to your partner carefully and actively. Give him space to express himself.
Most people don't really listen to each other. You seem absent-minded and unfocused in conversation. This is because they are out of focus on the inside.
Are you making this mistake yourself? While the other person is talking, you are already thinking about what you want to say. Then you wait for him to take a breath - and take over the conversation?
In this way there is no closeness. If you feel caught now, just do better now!
Active listening means:
- You listen to what your friend has to say in peace.
- You reflect the content to him in your own words.
- In doing so, you refer to the content of the matter and his feelings.
- You respond to what becomes clear between the lines.
- With short interjections like "hmhm", "understand" and "okay" you show that you follow his content.
At the appropriate point, you also put your own thoughts, feelings and worries into words. At best, your parts of the speech are about the same length.
You will find that your conversations gain depth and intensity with this method.
2. Keep your personal limits
In relationships, we tend to adjust to the partner. Don't do anything that runs counter to you inside. Don't exceed your personal limit for his sake.
A man who will take you loves unconditionally, don't expect that from you! He wants you get to know who you are. Accordingly, if you reject something, he will accept it.
3. Improve your self-esteem
Do you have stable self-esteem? If not: work on it! This is important so that you meet your sweetheart at eye level. You should feel comfortable in your skin and be at peace with yourself.
Your appearance doesn't matter. It's about how you feel about yourself.
Please do not expect your soulmate and spouse to complete you or fix anything in you. With this attitude you close yourself to them unconditional love.
4. Refrain from deprivation of love as a means of pressure
Perhaps you know deprivation of love as a means of upbringing from your own past: If a child does not do what the parents want, it will not receive any attention. Or no pocket money.
In relationships, love deprivation has many faces: sex, attention, financial support, active help ...
Many couples use this as leverage against each other.
Do you want to love unconditionally? Then don't deprive your friend of your affection and tenderness in order to get your way.
5. Be honest
Show your significant other your thoughts, concerns, and feelings openly and honestly. This applies equally to big and small things. Unconditional love includes unconditional openness.
In order for him to love you, he has to you see. Give him the chance by not pretending to be.
6. Treat your partner in an appreciative way
Mutual appreciation requires a non-violent and respectful style of communication. Be careful not to verbally hurt your loved one. Meet him in conversations as partners and on an equal footing.
This is especially true in conflict situations. The following applies: The sound makes the music.
Avoid sarcastic and ironic sayings and undertones. Instead, consciously send I-messages. The death knell for relationships is often accusatory words, accusations, and accusations.
None of this is necessary if you treat him with genuine respect.
7. Focus on the positive
Does your partner have annoying habits? You also. Nobody is perfect. Focus on its positive sides. What do you like about him? What makes him a unique person?
What do you like about him? Imagine all of this. Go through all of his wonderful qualities and abilities in your mind.
This will make your dealings with him more loving and tender. Everything else then seems irrelevant.
8. Help him through difficult times
Nobody is safe from a stroke of fate. Your life partner may become ill. Or he suffers a financial loss. Maybe he's losing a family member or a close friend.
His career plans may go wrong.
Be by his side when he needs you. This can be practical, but it can also be done through attention and care.
9. Don't add up to what you are doing for your partner
Love is not a competition. Loving without expectations simply means that you do not expect anything in return. Accordingly, it makes no sense to offset (what have I done for him, what is he doing for me?).
Give what you can and want to give. Don't expect anything in return.
How do I get unconditional love?
Relationships change and evolve. Relationship work is crucial so that deep feelings for one another do not disappear over time.
Because in addition to emotional love, physical love is also part of a relationship.
- Make sure to spend time with your loved one. Encounters and shared moments enable closeness, intimacy and sexuality.
- Try to maintain the happiness of being in love: Think consciously of your first meeting, of the moments of happiness and memories that bind you together.
- Notice your partner's imperfection and accept it. Mistakes and imperfections are part of his personality.
- Love yourself, because only then will you be able to love another person with all your heart.
- Support your sweetheart in his future plans. But don't forget to make your own plans too.
Unconditional love is the Ideal form of true love. You can find this love when you stand by yourself. Self-confidence and self-love are the keys to expectation-free, great and true feelings of love.
In addition, treating your partner in an appreciative and loving manner plays a central role. This includes active listening, renouncing deprivation of love and non-violent communication.
If you learn to separate feelings of love and expectations, you have the best chance of encountering your soul love.
About the author
Jörg Scholler - Relationship Expert
Jörg studied psychology and has worked as a coach and trainer for communication, sales and psychology since 2012. As a former pick-up artist, he decided many years ago against the principles and values of this scene and for an authentic way of dealing with people. He now promotes the principle of awareness and empathy with his relationship guide for men and women and thus helps everyone who still has question marks in their heads in their relationships. As a relationship expert and founder of our site, his goal is to publish the most helpful articles on the German-speaking market. In the long term, it creates significant added value for everyone who wants to improve the relationship with themselves or their partner. He is always a positive, open and helpful person who has been in a relationship since the beginning of 2012 and therefore speaks not only from theory, but from many years of experience.
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