What is an example of superficial
Get rid of superficial ideals
For many people, it is the ideal of romanticism: love at first sight. Certainly there are also people with disabilities who have the pleasure of representing the selected first-sight love for someone. However, I suspect that unfortunately this is not the case too often. I've had the experience several times that my disability is a deterrent when it comes to dates and potential relationships. I know of others that they feel the same way.
Before I can personally judge whether I like another person, I have to speak to them. I would say that what many others imagine love at first sight for me is love at first conversation.
Obviously not everyone sees it that way: When I click through the profiles of a certain dating app, I get the impression that many young women imagine their partner as follows: 1.90 meters tall and ninety kilograms of pure muscle mass.
Would I - after the corona pandemic - have regular dates if I looked like this? I will probably never find out, because the likelihood that I will double my body weight by building muscle mass and gain almost eight inches overnight tends to be rather low. Because I only have bulk phase when I write a lot of new punchlines.
I see it like this: There is no narrower leek next to me,
but I am like a bridge on steel pillars - superbly built.
When I read in the profile descriptions on the aforementioned dating app as the only clue in the biography “I'm 1.74, so please be taller”, then I wonder what's wrong with us as a society.
Appearance is overrated. Because at meetings we don't just want to look at the other person, we want to spend time with them and get involved with them.
Of course, physical attributes play a role when choosing a partner, I don't want to deny that. But please do not reduce your wishes to superficialities.
Perhaps the perfect partner does not correspond to your own ideal. Those who restrict themselves from the outset may miss their dream partner.
Or you make the wrong choice because the good-looking guy at 1.77 meters does not listen and does not empathize with his partner.
The 1.71 tall, friendly and humorous guy had already been sorted out in advance. This example is of course chosen purely by chance and has nothing to do with the fact that I am 1.71 meters tall myself. 😉
The mechanisms of partner search of my generation worry me: Why are we as a society so fixated on the optics of a potential partner? When - and above all - why did we become so superficial as a society? Is a partner only seen as a status symbol? Why is a person's disability often perceived as unattractive?
At least I dare to try to answer the last question: Certainly, the thought that you have to do without things and limit yourself when you are with a person with a disability plays a role. You may not be able to do certain sporting activities in pairs. The fear of compromise can be a deterrent. But don't we compromise in every relationship?
But most of them are not ready for exactly these compromises, at least when it comes to appearance.
Try to free yourself from thinking “too small”, “too big”, “too fat”, “too thin”, “too little hair”, or “too many freckles”. Free yourself from viewing a disability as a flaw.
Give people a chance! In the worst case, you can decide against a second meeting after the first meeting, if you have not felt comfortable. In the best case scenario, you land an unexpected stroke of luck that enriches your life.
* In order to make it easier to read, there is no gendering in this column. Of course, all genders should feel addressed.
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