What does love mean

10 facts of what love really means

If you ask 100 people what love is, you hear 100 different opinions and often also what love is not. But what is behind the word "love"? When do you love And when not? 10 facts about love should solve the mystery.

1. Love accepts

Theoretically we know that. But do we also put it into practice? Isn't it rather the case that when we recognize unpleasant characteristics in other people, we prefer to try to change them? Loving your partner with all the rough edges can then almost become a challenge. "I would love him more if ..." This thought has nothing to do with love.

True love begins where we stop trying to change other people. Acceptance means recognizing what is and not nagging about what ought to be changed. This strength to let our counterpart be as he or she is shows real size and strength.

In addition, closeness and a healthy distance are created through acceptance. Or, conversely, do you like to approach people who do not accept you?

So if you want more closeness in your relationship, think about which sides of your partner you accept and which you don't. And what can you possibly acknowledge a little more than you have done so far?

2. Love tries to understand

When we become a couple, we usually already have a history and have had different experiences with other people. Very few people know each other from their childhood days and have been a couple since then. And even these couples have experiences in which both have experienced other things within the relationship, e.g. B. in the family of origin.

The years that shape us most are our first years. In childhood we learn to trust and how to live in relationships. We learn how to talk to one another, how to solve a problem together and we discover different rituals that strengthen cohesion.

Not everything we experience in our life is always beautiful. Some of it caused severe pain and left emotional scars. Even in adulthood we are repeatedly inflicted with wounds, for example after a breakup or the death of a loved one.

If we assume that a person reacts differently because of the injuries he has suffered from a person who has not suffered pain in this regard, it becomes clear that in love it is important to show mutual understanding. We do not always have to have experienced everything ourselves and also do not have to approve of everything, but love tries a little to want to understand. It's about the willingness to get to know the partner better.

3. Love needs distance

Yes, love needs distance - and a healthy one at that. In love, both partners are allowed to be able to withdraw once in a while. In fact, that's important. Sure, lovers can't keep their hands off each other, but they're in love too! Love usually only arises after the phase of being in love.

The withdrawal of one or both partners gives love the chance to bring new things back into the relationship, which at best inspires and fertilizes both. We are - even as a couple - still independent and individual. Love also understands that we cannot and do not want to share everything with one another. If the partnership is a symbiotic fusion, even after years, it has little to do with love, because we cannot share our otherness with each other at all times. That would mean one of them or, in the worst case, both would totally give up for the other.

But love also needs self-love, not as words but in the form of deeds. A healthy distance shows self-love and thus also creates an incentive to get closer to each other again. Or how attractive do you find someone who gives himself up completely?

4. Love is respectful and mindful

Nothing can be taken for granted: neither that the dishes are “suddenly done”, nor that the partner is even there. There are couples in which the partner mutates into a better lampshade in the joint household and the partner naturally takes care of the house and children. That goes without saying …

If we are not respected and respected for what we do in a relationship, we become dissatisfied. We go on a search, whether consciously or unconsciously, for a little more respect. And quickly nothing stays as it was.

Sometimes a simple “thank you” for what is helps.

5. Love communicates

Those who love want to be open and honest. Love opens us humans to one another.

But before you say: “I knew it, my husband doesn't love me because he doesn't talk to me!” I would like to ask you for a moment for patience. Because love is patient as well. Sometimes people just fall silent because it is too stressful for them to speak to someone.

Here I would like to invite you to a little exercise: that Dialogue.

As a couple, make a fixed appointment for a conversation. Everyone has 3 times 10 minutes to speak or to remain silent, and that without questions, without justifications, without pressure or without interruption. The content of the conversation can be the day you experienced or things that occupy you. If possible, choose a topic that is free of partnership issues or possible crises within the relationship, right from the start. Everyone speaks exclusively about himself and what moves him.

Each of you can divide your total of 30 minutes as he or she wants, even if it is silent. Nothing has to be, everything can be.

You will be amazed how talkative your husband can suddenly become if he doesn't “have to” talk or expects to be interrupted, but is allowed to do whatever he feels like voluntarily. Of course, this also applies to some women who need time before they can open up to a conversation.

6. Love is sexy and naughty

The beginning of a new love is often associated with the fact that we are sexually attracted to one another. We want to get to know every inch of each other's body, we are open and try it out.

But many couples find it difficult to talk about their sexuality. The secret wishes remain under lock and key and fantasies are never shared. There may be various reasons for this. Some people may not even know what they like sexually. A far greater proportion is afraid of being rejected because of their own sexual preferences. Isn't that a shame? Suppose your partner likes having you blindfolded and doesn't know you might like it too?

Sexuality can be fulfilling. And what is allowed is what gives both fun and pleasure.

In addition, sexuality can always remain somewhat unexpected. It is the most intimate gift we can get from our partner. Presents expected are not presents. So it means to stay open when expressing your own sexual fantasies and then let yourself be surprised.

In sexuality it is not the frequency that counts, but the quality and enjoyment together, the pleasure of one another and one another.

By the way: Various studies have shown that the frequency of sex decreases within the first year. After that, the frequency remains approximately the same. Sexual interest and pleasure do not depend on the age of the person, but on the age of the relationship.

7. Love familiar

Trust is the foundation of every relationship. A lack of trust, on the other hand, shows us that we have hurt within us and that we are not open. But love needs openness. It is almost irrelevant whether the injuries that led to this inner withdrawal came from a previous relationship or whether something in the current relationship shook trust.

The effect is similar - once we have withdrawn into the snail shell, we cannot be reached by anyone there. We're cutting the relationship here. A lack of trust creates an unhealthy distance to our fellow human beings in the long run. But how can we get involved in love if we basically prefer to be decent?

This is sometimes even necessary to protect against further injuries. But for a relationship we have to crawl out again. This courage usually strengthens love anew, because trust is like an interplay: if we trust others, we trust ourselves. If we have self-confidence, we can also trust others.

Ultimately, our trust prepares us to love and receive love.

8. Love forgives

When we love, we trust and are open, but at the same time we are more prone to hurt and hurt. Often the partner just reminds us of old wounds that have not yet healed.

We are suddenly very angry because he doesn't speak to us. What we do not know, however, is that he may be thinking about something that concerns him and that he does not want to burden us with. But we only understand this message: "I reject you, that's why I don't speak to you!"
This thought often affects people who have had the experience that deprivation of love is a means of upbringing. But that's not a good remedy because it hurts!

Regardless of whether the hurts and injuries we experience are from our experience or are current, love can forgive. Love also sees the side that our partner had motives of their own, which perhaps have nothing to do with us.

The pain is sometimes so deep that many cannot recognize that the partner's silent behavior is “for” something and not “against” them as a person. The other person is to blame for the injury and his own discomfort. But accusations and blaming blind us and obscure what we can do ourselves to improve the situation for everyone involved.

9. Love is powerless sometimes

“You kiss me like I've always been yours. But I try to be mine Only me. Me, me, me. ”Leomiao, from Neon Online

When love is mistaken for possessions, arguments can arise. We may sometimes have an influence - even in a positive way - on our fellow human beings, but they always have the choice whether they want to be influenced or not. Whoever denies his or her partner the choice of being able to say “no” in love does not love, but wants power and property.

But we are human and not property. And love lets you go

Even if love can move a lot, sometimes it is just powerless.

10. Love ends, maybe

Love is constantly experiencing innovation and change. But not every change can be carried by a couple together and continue to walk the common path together. One does not want to forgive every insult or injury.

As sad as it is: love can end sometimes. Then it's time to let go and make room for something new.


Sincerely, your Ulrike Fuchs
Couple counselor and alternative practitioner for psychotherapy

Make an appointment now!

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Important NOTE:
The texts on www.muenchen-heilpraktiker-psychotherapie.de were created with care and serve informal purposes. The content is in no way intended to induce you to discontinue medical treatment, to make a self-diagnosis, to carry out treatment yourself or to avoid a doctor's visit. On the contrary: The information given here is in no way a substitute for professional medical advice, support and treatment.

Photo: Christian Kasper photographer Munich
Corinna Luerweg Hamburg
Graphics: Ulrike Fuchs Munich

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