Is it normal to never feel satisfied?

9 warning signs that you cannot love yourself

Self-love, as a relationship with yourself, is actually one of the most important relationships in life. It often sounds cheesy and a bit disreputable, but it is the basis for a happy and contented life.

Almost all people strive to increase their self-esteem, to be more confident, or just to feel more comfortable. Often this is however with "others have to like me ” mistaken. Because only when others think I'm great am I worth something. That's nonsense! And the reason why, even if everyone else thinks you are great, you often don't like yourself.

We have put together 9 warning signals for you, with the help of which you can see whether you are missing a compassionate kind of self-love and you may not even notice it (like Caro, for example). There is a small solution for each warning signal.

We are talking about the following warning signs (you can jump there with one click):

  1. Your mantra is "I'm not good enough."
  2. You don't notice that your subconscious is pulling you down
  3. You compare yourself to everything and everyone
  4. You take everything personally and quickly feel attacked
  5. You are dissatisfied with the way you look
  6. You're putting yourself down (for no reason)
  7. You don't take responsibility and you hold others accountable
  8. You don't allow love / serious relationships
  9. You cannot set yourself apart

The good thing is, once you've figured it out, you can change it ... How? We'll tell you that at the end in the chapter "Your next steps for more self-love ..."

1. Your mantra is "I'm not good enough."

There isn't much to explain either. If you hear this phrase from yourself more often, be it in your thoughts or spoken, or if it is the drive behind all of your actions, then your self-love is deficient. You have probably even learned it that way and experienced it over and over again. Maybe everything you did was always not good enough. But just because it has always been that way doesn't mean it's the truth and you can't change it. You probably even know inside yourself that you are good enough.

If you manage to accept yourself, then you will probably be able to replace “I am not good enough” with “I am great”, be grateful for every day and accept and reach your full potential.

Often this thinking is also related to a very specific thing, but we will go into this in more detail in the 6th point.

What you can do about it

Feeling not good enough is related to your self-esteem. We have a free 5-day challenge for you that will help you increase your self-esteem and finally feel good enough. Interest? Then you can start the challenge (with a click here).

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2. You don't notice that your subconscious is pulling you down

Your subconscious has a very, very great power. We have already written about this in detail here. Even if you may not (yet) notice it, your subconscious (your autopilot) influences your life. And strong.

The problem is that - as the name suggests - it happens unconsciously and you first have to understand and recognize that it is happening. As a first step, you can see if you have any negative mindsets. So patterns in your way of thinking that tend to pull you down, repeat themselves and which you can recognize in this way.

People with a high self-esteem (such as Emma) accept these weaknesses of the subconscious today. They perceive their wrong beliefs and question them (when did they make sense?). This creates the basis for replacing these with positive ways of thinking and thus “reprogramming” or expanding the subconscious, so to speak.

Regardless of whether these mindsets are subconsciously or consciously present in you, you should discover the limiting ones, understand where they come from, and then replace them for yourself. Because in the end you probably want to be by your side and not always get in your way. As long as your subconscious gives the commands and you accept them as absolute truth, that will probably not happen.

The good thing is, you can make yourself aware of a part of your subconscious and thus influence your life. So why not start today?

What you can do about it

First of all, it is important that you bring these subconscious thoughts and feelings into your consciousness. We talk in detail about how to perceive and train this ability in our free video series. Interested? Then you can start it with one click here.

3. You compare yourself to everything and everyone

Yes, here too you could say that everyone does it. Does it make it better now? I do not think so. The problem with comparing is that you always lose. Why? Not because you are not great or good enough, but because you always compare yourself to something better or perfect. And unfortunately you cannot win this fight. Everyone is different, everyone has strengths and weaknesses. But if you have low self-esteem and cannot accept yourself, then you will always compare yourself in such a way that you lose.

People with an appreciative kind of self-love (such as Emma) have less difficulty being "imperfect". They compare themselves less with others, but are happy as they are and like each other for it. So if you want to continue to compare yourself, then maybe with yourself and mainly. And so you start, yourself. And so you start to appreciate yourself and to love yourself lovingly.

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What you can do about it

As in point # 1, this is also about your self-esteem. We have a free 5-day challenge for you, which will help you to increase your self-esteem and will help you not to have to compare yourself so much with others in the future. Interest? Then you can start the challenge (with a click here).

4. You take everything personally and quickly feel attacked

Are you familiar with that? I do, at least when I'm dissatisfied with myself. In these phases, I relate everything to myself. Actually, I only hear what I want to hear in order to strike back directly.

It is difficult to admit it to yourself, and even more difficult to then realize it in the moment when it happens. But now I know the pattern and know that I take something personally very quickly if I am not feeling well myself. This also has to do with the fact that in these phases I don't trust myself and can only see the faults in myself. So little supportive self-love.

Let's take an example to illustrate this. You really tried hard to cook something. You spent a lot of time and wanted to do everything perfectly. Now your friends come to eat and there is criticism (because not everyone always likes it).

It doesn't even have to be big, but could it be that this criticism hurts you personally? Do you feel like a bad cook then? Do you think, "Oh my god, I should have done better"?

The example can be transferred to many other situations. Clothes, furnishings, jewelry and so on. If something like this sounds familiar to you, it is also because your self-esteem is not exactly stable.

People with a stable self-esteem (such as Emma) do not take such things to heart, but look for the helpful in the criticism. You can set yourself apart emotionally and rationally and don't feel bad about it. The criticism has nothing to do with you as a person. Tastes are different and that's a good thing.

What you can do about it

With our free 5-day "You are good enough" challenge you can strengthen your self-esteem and feel less attacked by others in the future. Do you feel like doing it? Then you can start the challenge (with a click here).

5. You are dissatisfied with the way you look

Yes I am! Who is not? Well there are different forms here. There are people who are super satisfied with everything they have, whether fat or thin, tall or small, and there are people who have a lot to complain about in themselves (e.g. Caro). And of course there is also a middle in between, which is probably the rule.

A sign of insufficiently appreciative self-love would be, for example, if you are ashamed of certain physical aspects or if you do not like certain parts of your body at all.


You can - and really can - accept yourself just as you are now. It's okay to have flaws or to make mistakes. People are not perfect, even if the media often tries to suggest something else to you.

So why can't you too be happy with what you have, with all flaws and flaws?

I mean that would make you kind of human. People are not perfect. Of course, this is not easy, and behind this need for perfection there is often the fear of not being liked, loved or accepted. Or only on condition of being perfect, of being loved.

This is by no means mutually exclusive. Even though you are not perfect, you are still lovable. The more you feel ashamed of yourself, the more you actually reject yourself. And under that aspect, so many people can tell you that you are adorable.

If you can't accept it yourself, no one has a chance to do it. And that's pretty exhausting. You are struggling for perfection to be loved and you cannot do it yourself so that no one has a chance to make you feel so that you can believe it. So start to understand yourself, to appreciate and like you, and precisely because of your flaws that make you stand out.

People with a high level of loving and healthy self-love (such as Emma) can laugh at your mistakes, feel good enough, and don't look down for any blemishes. At least they have learned to stand by themselves in those moments when they don't feel good enough either.

Now you are probably thinking: You don't even know me, I can't do that. You are right i don't know you But you know yourself. And you can accept yourself just as you are. So start to be imperfect because, as described above, people are not perfect.

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What you can do about it

Of course, that sounds easier than it is in reality. On the one hand, exercises can help you to accept and love yourself more in the future. But it is also important that you understand the background and not try desperately to love yourself. A good start is our free self-love guide, which you can download (with one click here) and thus increase your self-love and acceptance.

6. You put yourself down (for no reason)

Here too I can a song of singing. More on that in this story.

In the past, I've often put myself down for things that didn't go the way I wanted them to. That works great, I tell you. Unfortunately not really. In the end, you're just left more demotivated, depressed and has Do not feel like more to do anything.

As already described in other posts, this usually happened to me with procrastination or my weight. But as I said, it's actually not helpful at all. Did something wrong or not the way you wanted? Okay so what ?! The world keeps turning. Accept, possibly learn from it, and move on. I do that today and it works a lot better.

If you love yourself in an appreciative and supportive way (like Emma, ​​for example), you will be better able to accept mistakes, stop putting yourself down and instead cheer yourself up and stand by yourself. So the shutdown doesn't have to go on like this. Begin, to accept yourself (also the part that puts you down) and the rest will follow.

What you can do about it

You can find an appreciative and supportive way to stop putting yourself down for no reason in our free guide. We can wholeheartedly recommend it to you. Are you interested? Then you can download it with one click here.

7. You take no responsibility and hold others accountable

It's always the other's fault! Are you familiar with that?

Maybe not at first sight, but pay attention to it. These are a few of Caro's favorite excuses:

I can't find a friend because there are only idiots around

Again, I wasn't promoted for not sucking my boss's ass

I'm just late because my partner ...”.

Even if a few examples of it might be good reasons. People with a high level of self-esteem would not focus on external circumstances, but would use all of their energy to achieve what they want. And thus take responsibility for yourself.

Too little personal responsibility also indicates low self-esteem. So if you move the responsibility away from you now ... why do you fall into the pattern?

Especially if you cannot accept yourself with your mistakes and flaws, then a mistake can of course be very threatening for your self-esteem, so that in the short term it is more pleasant to pass it on to others. The stupid thing is that if the others are to blame, there is nothing you can do about it yourself. So you give up complete control of your life. No wonder that makes you dissatisfied.

So people who can respectfully love themselves take responsibility for their actions, even if the consequences are not rosy. They also realize that most people blame others for doing something wrong.

What you can do about it

It is time to take your life in your hands and stop blaming others for your life and dissatisfaction. The best way to do this is to start with yourself and start with our free guide (click here).

8. You don't allow love / serious relationships

You may have had bad relationship experiences many times and are afraid of going through the same thing again. You block everything that comes too close to you. Here I can also have a chat from the sewing box. Because that's what I've been doing for a long time. To be honest, for a whole 6 years and now, in retrospect, I think it's a great shame. Well, you can't change the past, but you can change the future!

It's also difficult to even accept love when you have low self-esteem. I mean, did you even deserve this? Of course you have!

People who have realized this (such as Emma) can accept that they deserve love. This helps them take off their mask and armor. That results in vulnerability. But from my own experience I can only say that this opening up, and therefore being vulnerable, is worthwhile.

So what does your future look like? Allow love or get lonely in your tank?

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What you can do about it

Give yourself the love you deserve. Start with our free guide (click here) into a new self-compassionate and appreciative attitude towards yourself.

9. You cannot set yourself apart

Differentiating or saying no is pretty difficult if you don't accept yourself. Why?

Because you are yours do not recognize your own worth and depend on others to confirm it. You are only worth something if you do something great for others, if you are noticed, if you make an extra effort or if you are useful to others. Such thoughts then haunt your head. So if you always need external appreciation, it will of course be very difficult for you to say no, even to things that you don't feel like doing. Of course, you feel bad about that. Perhaps overwhelmed you even and go beyond your limits.

With an appreciative Self love can you learn, No to saybecause it's totally appropriate. You can't please everyone and you don't have to. You are precious and lovable one way or another, even if others don't think it's great that you said no. You can handle it.

What you can do about it

Delimit is therefore an important property when it comes to Self-confidence and Self worth to build up. Say no if you want to and if you think it's right, not just because you've said it.We have an extra guide for this, "3 steps to better define yourself and meet your needs". You can download the guide here.

Your next steps towards more self-love ...

First of all, we hope that the warning signs apply to you as little as possible. Now that you've read it through, the question arises: How is your self-love?

The subject of self-love also means that you maintain a healthy relationship, a healthy relationship with yourself. This can also be characterized by self-doubt, but you manage to support yourself in precisely these moments and to take care of yourself compassionately.

How is that supposed to work?

You The best way to start is with our free guide. There, in addition to exercises, you will learn which three skills are required so that self-love will work in the future and how you can train it. You can get it here for free (by clicking here).