Why don't you answer questions for others

philosophy

Questions and answers. Answers to questions. There is a norm, a morality, a should: A question (if it is not outrageous, inappropriate, superfluous, beside, nonsensical, crazy) is answered, has the right to an answer, so to speak. We answer questions. One question has great power: it makes us responsible, we strive. We are leaving the line of thought we were just about to do justice to the question. "What time is it?" The question words that introduce a question set wake us up: watch out, there is a question, an answer is expected: What ...? Who ...? Where ...? How ...? By which ...? Why ...? Where ...? By what ...? Or these indirect questions: Can you ...? Would you ...? Did you ...? Are you ...? Do you ...? Are you coming ...? Or so you say ...?

What actually makes us so ready to answer? Who tells us there are questions to be answered? The question as such has us under control. It is hard to imagine not answering a question. Extra not answered, confidently refused, not bitten. And yet to be able to do this would be a virtue: something that serves us, serves us. Because all the time in my life is always my time, never that of the other, the questioner. Answering questions is mine - I only answer when I want to, when I think it's right, when it's an honest business with a pure heart to answer your - your - question. I don't have to do this, I shouldn't do this, I can - can - do this: if I want to.

Questions pull us into thinking. In the tracks that cause the question, which surround them, in which the questions are woven. Questions open a specific gate: the gate to the respective world of questions. Do I want to go there? Do i want to be there Do I want to stay there, look for answers, answer - and leave the other world in which I am right now (before the question)? Who decides here? Am I still confident enough to reject one, this or every question, to overlook its gate, not to let me go through it?

I like to answer questions. I like to answer. Questions are part of the back and forth in living relationships. They bring a lot, they show the world of the questioner, they stimulate me to find answers. Questions are important, and answers are something like respect for questions and askers. It is natural (and polite) to answer a question. To say that I can't think of an answer is also respecting the question: a respectful no.

And yet: with all due respect - I am the boss of my life. Nobody stands above me. My birth, my life, my death. And: my decision to take up a question, to resonate with it, to repeat it in me, to let it into me. Before every answer. "Do I want this question?" This question before (your) question belongs to me, is part of me, does not (yet) interfere with the circles I have just drawn. This question before the question is the power that directs all other questions to the place that belongs to them, that I want to give them. Your question belongs to you - not (already) to me. Your question there - my life here. Do I want a connection? This connection? Now? Do I want to open up and turn to you and your question? Do i really want

Amication is built on the identity, the self-image, the individual's being, and the individual's being as I want, on diversity with all equality and on the decision: I want to be the - who - I want to be.
If I want to be a question-taker, I'm a question-taker.
If I want to be an answerer, I am an answerer.
If I don't want to be a question-taker, I'm not a question-taker.
If I don't want to be an answerer, I am not an answerer.
I decide. Nobody else.

I know that being confident in dealing with someone else's question is more of a wish than a reality. That our lives also belong to us on this point is not clear, present, available - because questions should be answered. We learned as children what the world is like. We also learned that a question results in an answer. And that if the question was ours, we had to answer. No matter if right or wrong, truth or lie. We definitely had answers. Silence in response to questions: that was devastating for the good mood, that was a violent violation of everything that is proper. Question answer. "I asked you something!" "Can't you answer!" "I'm waiting - for the answer!"

Respect for the children - also when it comes to questions: we have no legitimation to interfere in their inner world with the demand that they have to react one way or another (just answer questions). But with the desire, the request, the fear, the need to receive your answer - with all due respect, we can certainly rush into your world first. And then walk again like the waves of the sea, big and small, that run up the beach.
I can ask questions - I get answers for free. Like love. Like life.

If someone asks me a question today, I answer, as always in my life, learned from an early age, trained through school, and just the way life goes: you answer questions.

But

Today there is a but for me in answering the questions. I see myself at the console of my life and questions from others are examined quickly and deeply. Whether they are good for me. Will you help me? Do you respect me? Whether they please me. Are they worth it? Whether they are loving. Whether they smile at me. Are they friendly?

For questions that fail this test and for questions that fail this test, I turn the traffic light to red. No Answer. No Answer. Hear the question, but don't let it reverberate in me. Let the question go through me. Don't take the question. Do not lose the questioner in the process - but it is up to him to leave now disappointed, annoyed, annoyed. I remain focused - just without getting involved in the questioning and the associated answers. Your question. Yours. I am someone else.

It is difficult to make it clear to the questioner that I am full of respect. That I don't disregard him if I don't take up his question. In response to my "I don't want to answer that", the next question comes straight away: Why? Why? Yes but? It's hard to let kindness persist when I don't take up a question. The questioner feels treated impolite, rejected, belittled. What to do? So why not get into his - his - world of questions, accept the question and look for an answer and then give it? Who is actually the boss in your own company? Is this my life or yours?

There are plenty of excuses: "I don't think it makes sense to answer your question now," "I'll explain that to you later," "I don't know exactly," etc. Plain text is: "No" - what does that mean? - "No" - I asked you ... "No". If I'm still friendly (and why shouldn't I be) then: "I don't want to concern myself with your question." And period.

And then life goes on - just as it does me good. And from this basis our relationship succeeds. And all questions can be answered.