What did you learn about relationships
Everyone goes through a tough breakup at least once in a lifetime, but we differ in how we process a breakup. Some cry and fall into depression while others do crazy things that will help them break up faster.
And it doesn't matter who ends a relationship first, it is a fact that both sides will suffer, one will suffer longer and more intensely and the other who loved less in the relationship will only suffer when he looks back at the beautiful moments remembered the relationship.
I still remember my first lovesickness - I was very young and thought that I would never find someone again who will love me like that or who I will love like that.
I thought it would be the perfect partner for life. But I was wrong. I was just a victim of someone who only needed me as long as he got what he wanted. When this person got tired of me, he just gave up on me as if I were something but not human.
And I was left with all of my love and a number of mixed feelings that I didn't know what to do with. I thought it was the end of my life and I will never be able to love again. I was so broken and disoriented and my life no longer made sense to me in those moments. But now, when I think back to that time, I have to laugh at myself.
And do you know why? Because I realized that something like this had to happen, at least once in a lifetime, so that I could learn from it. Lessons that make me stronger and wiser. And I'm grateful to my life for showing me the bad sides too, so that I can appreciate the good ones a lot more. And here are some lessons that I have learned that I will never forget.
1. I've learned that you shouldn't blame yourself because it didn't work out with someone who, in retrospect, was never the right one anyway.
I always thought it was because of me that my ex was leaving me. But I was wrong all along because I couldn't influence his decisions at all. I indulged in a relationship that was doomed to fail because it was built on quicksand.
After a while, I realized that the breakup wasn't because of my behavior, because I always did my best to keep the relationship from failing. But for the wrong person, you will never be enough. And only with this insight could I finally accept it and make peace with it.
2. I've learned that I shouldn't believe everything people say in order to win you over.
Just because a guy is cute and loving doesn't mean he wants the best for me. There are so many men (and women) who know several ways to get to your heart. They deceive, they lie and deceive as much as they can. They keep doing it until they get what they want, they only differ in their cruelty and coldness in their approach.
Unfortunately, I had to learn that the hard way. Now I don't trust anyone who says “I love you”, you have to prove your love for me through your behavior and your deeds.
3. Lovesickness isn't the most painful experience in your life. Even if it seems so when you are in the middle of it.
If you are in the middle of a breakup, you will likely believe that there is no greater pain than heartbreak. But after you've lived a little more and drag the years into your life, you will see that there are things, like losing family and friends, that are really painful.
And on the other hand, a phase of lovesickness is a breeze to be honest. Because a broken heart can recover, but the loss of someone important leaves a void that no one can fill.
4. I'm good the way I am. And when it is not enough for someone. The door is open.
We are all far from perfect. We all have flaws that we might like to change, but the most important thing is to accept yourself with the flaws. I thought my ex left me because he found someone more beautiful and “more perfect” than me, but in the end I realized that we just didn't go together and he apparently realized that first.
He realized that we would never be able to stay together forever and then he left. And I'm not mad that he left me, but I'm mad at the way he did it. When you spend so much time with someone, at least you can come with a sincere heart and say that there is nothing left to fight for.
5. I've learned never to neglect my friends again when I'm in a relationship.
The worst mistake I made when I was in a relationship is completely neglecting my friends. I spent so much time with him and completely lost sight of my friends in the process. My ex was such a good manipulator that he managed to convince me that I only needed him in my life.
And since I was madly in love with him, I listened to him. I neglected my friends once in my life, but I will never do that again for any partner in the world. If he's the right one, he'll realize that they were a part of my life before he even got there.
6. Sometimes it's better to stay single rather than throwing yourself into an unsure relationship.
When I was in a relationship I felt like I was in seventh heaven and every time we broke up, I did everything I could to get back with him. Because I thought being alone was bad. I didn't know then that it is sometimes better to be alone than in bad company.
I was so scared that I would be single all my life that I settled for less than I deserved just to avoid being alone. But in the end I realized that you can't force anything and that I have to be particularly good at choosing with whom to share my secrets and my innermost being. Sometimes being single is simply necessary to be able to find yourself.
7. I've learned that in the future I should listen to my gut instinct a lot more.
While in a relationship I often had a feeling in my stomach that something was wrong, but I ignored it. I thought my mind was going crazy and I was just imagining things that would never happen. I was blind that he was fooling me the whole time and doing things behind my back that hurt me deeply.
At that moment my eyes opened and I realized that I was right about what was wrong. And from that day on, I always rely on my inner voice and think twice about things before convincing myself they are bullshit.
8. Believe it or not. Time heals everything.
As I sat broken, disappointed, and deeply hurt after a breakup, I thought that feeling will never go away. I thought I will always be sad. But every day it got better and better. I realized that if I give myself up, no one will be able to save me. So I started fighting for myself.
There were Andean days when I felt fine. Then I had days when I was deeply depressed. But each and every day, I did my best to get through it. And I succeeded. You will succeed too, I'm sure of that! I realized that good things take time and I accepted any problem as a blessing that will make me stronger, that will make me my best version of myself. You can get my new book here.
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