What's keeping your relationship going

Where did the butterflies go? 5 tips to save the relationship

Video by Alina Bertacca

If the conversations lately have been limited to purely practical topics such as: "Have you bought toilet paper?" and tenderness that he calls her a formal "kisses" when he comes in in the evening, then you ask yourself: where has the love gone, please? The evenings for two when you could hardly keep your fingers off each other? When was the ease of the relationship lost?

But don't panic: this happens to most couples when they are together for a longer period of time. The excitement of the early days has subsided at some point and everyday life is spreading. Most of the time, very simple habits and superficialities have crept into the relationship.

Often one has just become lazy, takes the other person for granted and no longer fights. It's a shame, because with this tactic you steer directly into a relationship that no longer deserves the name as such. Side by side would be a better term. Or lonely together. But that doesn't have to mean the end of love and togetherness. Otherwise there would hardly be any couples who would still be happy together after years.

More on the subject:Love in 5 stages: These are the typical phases of a relationship

5 tips to save your relationship

If you use the right strategy, you can save the relationship and freshen up love with a few tricks. In this case, the opponent is called: routine. She is the number one relationship killer. And that's what it's all about now. Here are 5 tips on how to save your ailing relationship and bring it back to life.

1. Spend prime time

It goes without saying that as a couple - especially when you live together and have your own children - you do a lot of things together. But we don't necessarily mean fun activities together with the weekly grocery shopping or the discussion about why the child now has a five in physics. Couples have to make sure that they not only function in everyday life, as parents and roommates, but also as lovers. And you quickly lose sight of that.

Therefore: Spend time together if you want to save your relationship. Not in the supermarket, but real prime time. That might sound stupid, but when you first met you also thought about what great things you could do together. So why do you at some point forego making an effort when it comes to spending your free time together?

In order to save the relationship that has fallen asleep, it is important to have a good time together - beyond the daily grind. So: plan your time together consciously and consciously enjoy it.

Tip: Sometimes less is more. Instead of being linked to each other 24/7, we sometimes do something separately. So you can enjoy the time together a lot more and have something to tell again.

Also read:Forever in love! 10 romantic ideas that will keep the tingling feeling going

2. Don't drop all barriers

Sure, openness in relationships is extremely important. You are familiar, you have no false shame in front of each other, you are open and also vulnerable. Simply because you know that you can let yourself go with the other and show who you are. Sad, angry, naked, without makeup, tired, sick and in need of help. None of this is an issue when you love each other, and that's how it should be.

Still, there is a "but" to the whole thing. Because you should very well leave a few boundaries of your private or intimate sphere intact. Sure, going to the bathroom in front of him or throwing up gastrointestinal flu while keeping the hair out of your face wouldn't be an issue. No question about it. And your partner wouldn't be pissed off if you put plasters on your corns in front of them. But seriously: it doesn't have to be, does it?

Even in an extremely close partnership, you can and should keep a few things to yourself. And where this limit lies is certainly different for every couple. But they do exist, and if you respect them, it also shows that you respect and respect your partner. You don't have to do everything just because you can. And not everything that is "ok" is also good.

Also interesting:Me instead of us: How to stay yourself in a long-term relationship

3. Spatial alternatives

The idea seems totally absurd because you immediately have to think of a relationship crisis. But contrary to all prejudices, separate apartments or separate rooms in one apartment can be the secret of a long-term relationship. Perhaps it is also due to the stressful everyday life, the millions of things that pound down on us, that everyone needs a place to retreat. There are people who can only switch off in this way.

So you can get out of the way BEFORE there is a bang and there is an argument. Or you withdraw in a bad mood and enjoy not having to talk. That is also important. If you just sit on top of each other and never have time to yourself, you will notice that this is also a basic need of us.

Reading tip:Love is not a pony farm: 5 difficult relationship phases that EVERY couple goes through

4. Maintain your own areas of life

And the principle of separate apartments, separate, "own" rooms in the shared apartment, can be applied to all areas of life: Separate hobbies, (partially) separate groups of friends, (now and then) separate vacations. Who says that until the end of your life you only spend time with one person just because you're together? Friends, sports, art, hobbies - all of these are important and enrich us. Not just that one Mr. Right.

Because it is like this: Only we ourselves are responsible for being happy and satisfied with our life. Entrusting this task to the partner alone is not a good idea. So, in order to save a stuck relationship, it can be helpful to focus on yourself and find out what makes you happy. Then sharing this happiness with your partner can enrich the partnership incredibly.

Reading tip:From household to offspring: the 4 biggest relationship problems and how to cope with them

5. Create rituals

And by rituals we don't mean things that have to be done anyway, like shopping on Saturdays or car cleaning. This is about a regular love date, about beautiful moments for two.

For example: every second Monday is cinema day. Or you have a favorite restaurant where you reserve a table every first Saturday of the month. A walk every Sunday morning or the extensive breakfast on Saturday. Beautiful rituals combine, create a sense of togetherness and strengthen the relationship more than you think. And that will mend and save a battered relationship too.

You don't have to plan a huge space in your calendar or have a bulging wallet to do that. The romantic candlelight dinner can also take place at home and be a cult leftover meal that you celebrate every Sunday. Be crazy and be yourself. That makes your dates even better, unique and unforgettable.

Of course, it is not that easy for anyone with children. Already clear. But parents should at least try to treat themselves to an evening for two from time to time. Those who cannot or cannot afford a babysitter swap babysitting hours with befriended couples: They take care of all children one evening and you on another evening.

Also interesting:Spice up your love life: put an end to the lull in sex in a long-term relationship

Saving a relationship: it's worth the effort

And if you now think: Phew, it's all too exhausting for me, let me tell you: It's a thousand times more exhausting to have a relationship that doesn't make you happy. When our partner inspires us and makes us laugh and we notice that he feels comfortable with us and loves us, then it gives infinite strength. And it's worth every effort.

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Video by Julia Windhövel
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Created on June 12th, 2019
Shared 773 times