How can habits change your life
In this article, I'm going to tell you 5 habits that will change your life in a positive way.
And no, these are not things like “do sports every day” or “get up earlier”. These habits can be useful, but they are a bit worn out.
The 5 habits from this article are little known. But they will have a positive effect on all areas of your life.
By the way, these 5 habits have also helped me a lot to become more relaxed, more successful and a little happier. The fifth habit in particular has changed my life a lot.
This article is also available as a video:
1. Focus on the process
At first it seems logical: the more energy and time you invest in something, the more you want it to work:
- When you are on a diet, you want to lose weight.
- When you sign up for an online dating site, you want to go on dates.
- When you meditate regularly, you want to become calmer and more relaxed inside.
- If you do a good job, you want to be rewarded for it (more salary, recognition from colleagues, etc.).
But this focus on the bottom line sooner or later leads to frustration, self-doubt and lack of motivation.
In a perfect world, our efforts would be immediately reflected in the results. But we don't live in a perfect world.
Your efforts don't always show up in results. And that's why you should think process-oriented from now on.
Instead of just looking at the end result, focus entirely on the process. So focus on doing the things that bring you closer to your goal. Because no matter how you do yourself, you cannot control the result. Whether something works or you succeed depends on many factors beyond your control.
Let's say you want to find a partner. Focusing on the process here would mean meeting new people on a regular basis, dressing better, complimenting yourself, asking on a date, etc. These things are in your power. But not everything else. Because in the end you cannot control whether you get to know the right one or the right one.
Or let's say you have an exam. You can plan to take notes in class and to be careful, to go through the teaching material at home every day and to prepare for the exam early on. Whether or not you ultimately pass the exam is beyond your control.
If you focus on the process, you can feel satisfied and confident even if you are not getting the results you want.
However, if you only focus on the results, you become a pawn of circumstances that you cannot control.
2. Question your thoughts
We have, on average, between 50,000 and 60,000 thoughts a day. And according to modern psychology, a lot of it seems to be pretty bullshit.
Many of our daily thoughts are worry, self-doubt, or self-criticism.
Best of all, most of these thoughts aren't even new. It is always the same negative thoughts that we deal with day in and day out.
Unfortunately, you cannot get rid of all of your negative thoughts. Thoughts gush out of you like water from a fountain.
What you can (and should) do, however, is question your thoughts. Because many of your negative thoughts are completely irrational and exaggerated:
- Just because your partner was mad at you last night doesn't immediately mean they will leave you and you will spend the rest of your days lonely and alone.
- Just because you made a mistake recently doesn't mean you're a complete failure and not doing anything right.
- Just because you've gained 3 pounds since last year doesn't make you lazy, undisciplined, and unattractive.
If you make a habit of questioning your thoughts, you will find that they often make little sense. And the more consciously you deal with your thoughts, the better you will feel and the better your self-image will be.
If you often struggle with negative thoughts, worries and self-doubt, take part in my free online seminar. In it you will learn 3 methods to transform your negative thoughts:
Free online seminar
3. Start before you feel ready
There is probably something you want to change in your life:
- Get up earlier and do sports in the morning.
- Meditate for 15 minutes a day.
- Ending an unhealthy relationship.
- Quit smoking (or gambling or drinking).
- Change your job.
No matter what you want to change or start: in 99% of the cases there is no right moment for it.
Because we never feel ready to do something that scares us, that is challenging, or that makes a big difference.
I know you can probably think of a dozen reasons why this is not the right time for a change. I don't feel ready yet. I'm in too much stress right now. I have to read more on the subject first. I'll start next month when the stars are cheaper.
Your mind is a master at making excuses and rationalizing your behavior.
Therefore, make it a habit to start before you feel ready.
Because you get courage, motivation and new skills after you start, not before. So stop waiting any longer. The right moment will not come.
4. Set fewer goals
Most motivational experts and self-help gurus advise you to set goals in all major areas of life. This is counterproductive.
Paradoxically, one of the greatest dangers to achieving your goal is your other goals. Let me explain
You have limited time, energy, and willpower per day. The more goals you pursue at the same time, the less time, energy and willpower you have for each individual goal. And the less likely it is that you will actually achieve your goals.
Psychologists also refer to this phenomenon as target competition.
The problem is that when we set new goals we are incredibly motivated at first and completely overestimate ourselves:
We picture ourselves getting up at 5 a.m. every day to do sports, then meditate for 15 minutes, take a cold shower and have a healthy breakfast. After our work is done, we are highly motivated to go to the Spanish course and in the evening we read for an hour to train ourselves further. And on the weekend we are of course still working on our latest start-up that will change the world.
I don't think I need to mention here that this idea is a fairy tale.
The truth is that most of our goals require significantly more time, energy, and willpower than we imagined.
I've been learning Russian for some time (which is now my fifth foreign language). And I am always surprised at how difficult it is for me to find one
Going to class times a week and doing homework another day.
When we fail to achieve our goals, we often believe that we are too lazy or that we just don't have it. But in most cases we have just taken on too much.
Therefore, make it a habit to always set yourself one new goal. For example, meditate for 10 minutes in the morning. Or exercising twice a week. Or being social and talking to other people for 10 minutes every day.
Once you have reached your goal or developed the habit that will lead you to your goal, you can set a new goal for yourself. But not before!
It's not about achieving five new goals at once (and then inevitably failing). But rather consciously decide what is really important to you and then pursue a single new goal with full energy and focus.
Good Habit # 5: Dealing with Pain
Many people spend their entire lives trying to avoid any form of joke. Which ultimately only leads to them experiencing even more pain.
The truth is: No matter how you do yourself, you will have painful experiences again and again in your life. Breakups, failures, disappointments, losses, rejections.
Dealing with, processing, and learning from these and other painful experiences is fundamental to moving forward in life. Otherwise you will go around in circles, will face the same problems over and over again and will probably suffer.
The thing is: a good and fulfilling life does not mean that it is free from negative experiences and pain. It means that you give meaning to your pain, learn from it, and ultimately use it to create a better life for you.
A well-known saying goes: Pain is inevitable, suffering is voluntary.
When you embrace your pain, accept it as a part of life, and ultimately use it to learn from it, you turn it into something positive.
If you hang on to your pain, sink into self-pity and convince yourself that you are the only one having such a hard time, you will suffer.
Start seeing pain in a new light. Rather than curse it and avoid it, see it as an opportunity for growth and transformation.
Change your mindset and you will change your life
How well you deal with challenges, what you achieve in your life and how much you trust yourself depends on your mindset.
The better your mindset, the better you are and the more you will achieve in your life.
Most people try to change something in their life - their fitness, their job, their relationships, their habits - but forget their mindset in the process.
Every change begins inside. Only with a positive mindset and the right attitude are you able to permanently change something in your life and achieve your goals.
This is exactly why I wrote the free Mindset guide. In it you will learn 4 mindsets that will bring you forward tremendously in your life.
Just enter your email address and I'll send you the guide as a PDF for free.
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