Is it normal not to be sad?

Why can't i cry

Last update: 01 September, 2017

It happens more often than you think. There are many people who cannot cry, who cannot relieve their pain with tears after, for example, suffering a personal loss. Crying is part of the pain and essential to overcoming an accident or trauma. It is a physical relief that allows us to free ourselves from tension and stress.

It is said that sooner or later those who cannot cry will have a problem controlling their emotions. However, this cannot be said in general terms, it is just one of many aspects of this widespread phenomenon.

It's not a problem, it's part of a process. Since the tears will flow sooner or later - but this can sometimes take a little longer - they are inevitable. And when it does finally happen, we'll be much better after that.

The physiological necessity of crying

Let's start with something we should be aware of in order to rule out certain situations. Sometimes there may be a physical problem. We know the need to cry is part of emotional relief, a way of dealing with stress and tension.

But there are people who are unable to cope with it because of an illness rather than a lack of sensitivity. They are not suppressing their feelings, absolutely not, it is actually a physical problem.

In this disease, the bags under the eyes are stunted, which is why no tears can arise there. It is known as Sjogren's syndrome.

But even if we ignore the possibility of this disease, there are many people who have already experienced a situation in which they could not cry. This can have different causes:

Tears are part of a process

We have to remember that not all people are created equal, and therefore not everyone deals with problems in the same way. In addition, every situation is unique and we react in different ways. For example, if a loved one dies, we may cry as normal, but if our partner leaves us, we are unable to do so.

How is that possible? It all depends on how we perceive the problem. We accept the loss of our relative, we know we will never see them again, we feel the pain and translate it into tears.

However, if we are abandoned or even betrayed, we may deal with the situation very differently. At first we won't be able to understand. After that, we'll have hopes that said person will come back or regret what they did. At a later point in time, this can turn into anger.

During all of these emotional states, tears still do not occur because they are not yet necessary. But sooner or later desolation and sadness will return. Then at the latest we will cry and want to free ourselves from these feelings with tears. So what can we conclude from this? That grief, the need to cry, is a cycle.

If we feel anxious and insecure and haven't realized the situation yet, chances are we won't cry. But that depends entirely on the personality of each person. More sensitive people resort to crying more quickly to relieve themselves. Personalities with a greater need for self-control or for rationalizing every single aspect of their life take longer to achieve this.

Tears and their social significance

Are tears a sign of weakness or personal frailty? No way. Because we show that we are grieving, it doesn't mean we are weaker or more vulnerable. Crying is sometimes as necessary as breathing and an indispensable part of pain. We shouldn't suppress it so that we can feel better afterwards.

Sometimes, however, our upbringing our personal or social context lead us to suppress it. We don't want to show weakness, we want to demonstrate strength. This is a mistake and can lead to serious health problems in the long run. Suppressed wounds can turn into deep internal injuries.

That `s not worth it. Tears and the need to cry are part of our personality, even if some find it easier to show than others.

They are part of a cycle where it is essential to know yourself well, how to identify your own feelings, and how to listen to yourself. It may not come to that when we need it most and that may seem very strange to us.

After all that has happened to me, how is it possible that I cannot cry?

Don't worry, the tears will come when it's time. They will come when you least expect them, when you relax, when you realize your pain and accept your situation. Only then will the tears really give you relief.