Do girls need sex too

Girl why don't you tell us what you want during sex

Dear guys,

That's right: the women I know talk a lot about their sexuality and sex. These are often hot topics among my friends - conversations like this are never boring. Sex is associated with many feelings, and experiences that trigger particularly strong emotions roll around in our heads for so long that they have to be exploited in conversation. Sex dominates our bar gossip talk, as does deeper conversations about love. We can share and reflect with our friends. It goes without saying that we incorporate what we lack, what we would like to repeat or what we didn't really like.

I know that my friends are well informed about my sexual needs. But to be honest, before you asked me, I never thought about whether they might know any better than my partner. My first impulse: “What is the question? Of course we talk about it with our partner. "

As I thought about it, however, it struck me: Yes, I am actually not telling my partner directly what I want in bed. My friends also rarely make it clear to their partner what they need during sex. However, none of us know to what extent this is supposed to be problematic. I think it's silly, my partnersay to have what i want. It is clear to my friends that I have to verbalize it - they are not there when I get intimate with my partner. He can, and I assume that he can read my body language. Pelvis forward: exactly like that, pelvis backward: exactly not like that. Hands down means: here, hands off, means: not here. Haven't you learned that from bravo, porn and / or your own experiences? Do you really need announcements? Would be really disappointing for many of us. We often have respect for instructions. To give one means that something was wrong before. That you didn't do something well is to blame for our dissatisfaction. We are often only bothered by the little things: the pressure too weak, the tongue too swirling, the caressing too loveless - problems with which we can come to terms. We don't want to risk cracking your ego for this.

Because, be honest: do you really want to hear that? "Lower! More quickly! Volume up!"? I wouldn't be keen on it. It rarely comes across in such a way that it is constructive. That sounds more like: “So far you've done it wrong. Now I want more commitment from you, if I have to address it. ”At first this gives a bad feeling and loads expectation pressure on a matter that needs one thing above all: relaxed sexual partners who feel comfortable with each other. Or is that too feminine?

That "say what you want" thing seems to me to be absurd as long as the sex is basically okay. I would rather have a man who feels good and goes a little wrong than one who is totally uptight and thinks he has to make a tournament out of having sex together. And if something really doesn't fit together, it can be resolved non-verbally with a little time. Has always worked so far - as long as it wasn't about problems that we thought wereat all can not be solved.

For example, a friend would like to have longer sex with her partner. Unfortunately, thanks to the weekend relationship, he rarely manages that and she never reaches orgasm. Should you really wish her boyfriend to talk to him about his speeding up? The poor guy is going to check that his girlfriend can't think of it that much.

A completely different problem is, of course, what you found out with your internet research: Many of us don't really know what we might like. That makes the whole “say what we want” story much more complicated and if you will: highly ironic. We women have a lot to research down there ourselves that has long been taboo, first we have to figure out how to do it right. And that can take a while! That is why we of course also ask our friends for advice. They have similar experiences with themselves and can give us the feeling that everything we do with or without a partner is completely normal - or just say what helped when the orgasm just didn't want to come. A straight man is never there. He has no access to our problem, but a much more obvious biological constitution. Just think how hidden our clitoris is and how easy it is to find a penis. Logically, with your equipment it is difficult to understand that we are looking for our sensitive points and later clear all this stuff among us. Men almost inevitably reach orgasm. And your strategies to achieve it are - admit it - very similar.

In addition, dear lads, I would like to point out that you are not able to “say what you really want” to perfection either. I also tried to make myself smart. However, if you google for answers why women don't tell men what they want in bed, you will find one thing above all: complaints from women who don't know what their men want. That is why I would like to leave you with the tip of a good friend at the end: “Who would like us to tell him whatwe really want to, let us first tell us whathe really want. Maybe then we would trust each other a lot more. "

Your girls

The authors of this boys question want to remain anonymous. Not everyone needs to know details about their sexual performance.